We'll find strength in pain
by ChrysX
Summary: (AU)1963. Dr. Ben Harmon, after the loss of his wife, Vivien, decides to take a psychiatrist's position in Briar Cliff. He and his daughter Violet arrive at the Asylum with the hope of a new beginning. Violet&Tate always :)
1. Chapter 1

_**We'll find strength in pain.**_

Chapter 1

Scene 1 (Soundtrack: Edward Scissorhands theme) 

Many winters had gone by since the rusty, iron gates of Briar Cliff had opened to welcome strangers. It was just a few days before the 1963's Christmas Eve that finally a pair of outsiders was allowed to pass through them. It was Dr. Ben Harmon, the facility's new psychiatrist, and his daughter Violet. One wouldn't have to be too observant to notice that these two people were no less broken or alone than the souls residing inside the walls of the Asylum. Not long ago they had lost the one single person that kept their family together; Vivien Harmon. She died giving birth to her second child; her stillborn child.

All the patients of the asylum gathered behind the caged windows to take a peek of the newcomers as they were getting out of their car. First came out the doctor. The collar of his grey trench coat and his fedora-style hat were doing a good job of not revealing much of his features, but he did seem to be quite handsome. He ran to help the stuff carry the luggage.

And then the girl stepped out of the car. She was around fifteen, though a bit petite for her age. She wore a cotton, dark blue dress and a black cardigan. Her long, blonde hair was tied behind with a black ribbon. Feeling a cold breeze hit her face, she pulled the ribbon and let her hair wave along with it. Even in the midst of her greatest grief, Violet continued to appreciate the simple beauties of life.

Despite the fuss that was going on around her, with people running around, carrying boxes and suitcases and shooting insults at each other, Violet just stood there. She was just looking around, trying to process that this was going to be her new home. Not that she missed the old one. Nothing was holding her back there. But every new beginning was difficult and needed adjusting. Especially if this new beginning was supposed to take place in a remote mad house.

Violet broke a sad smile. ''_It isn't that bad.'' _She thought. She actually found the eeriness of the asylum kind of charming. '' _Besides…misery does love company.''_

When everyone had gone inside the building and Violet was the only one left in the front yard, she opened her haversack and pulled her beloved Nikon. Taking pictures was the only thing she found interest in lately. Her father had noticed it (which kind of surprised Violet) and bought her the camera.

''_Probably because he had no fucking idea what else he was supposed to do… Oh, God…Do I feel sorry for his patients.''_

The Asylum was truly the perfect setting for photo shooting…at least for the kind of album Violet had in mind. She took multiple pictures of the grim building and then she decided to go for a walk and look for anything else that would make for an interesting photo. But right at that time her father came out to tell her they should go meet the facility's administrator.

That was truly unfortunate. Maybe if she had gone on that walk, she would have gotten to meet the one patient that hadn't bothered to take a look at the newcomers. Tate Langdon wasn't much of a people person. But on that day he should have made an exception. Without him knowing…even though it wasn't Christmas just yet…the gift he'd been expecting his whole life…had arrived.

* * *

Scene 2 (Soundtrack: an old pickup playing Mozart's ''Requiem'')

Before Violet entered the administrator's office, she imagined she would see an old, strict looking nun sitting in a dark, cold room full of crosses and saints' icons. When her father pushed the half open door, she realized she couldn't have been more wrong. Behind an oaken, obviously expensive desk, sat a woman that didn't look a day over twenty five. She had her eyes shut and listened to the music that played in the background; she looked so peaceful and…innocent. At some point she decided to acknowledge their presence. She opened her eyes and formed a wide smile. Violet shivered. While the nun looked indeed young, her eyes didn't. And her smile seemed…odd. Suddenly she didn't look so innocent anymore.

-''Welcome.'' Said the nun without even bothering to stand up. ''I am Sister Mary Eunice, Briar Cliff's director. And _you_ must be Dr. Harmon.''

-'' Yes. Ben Harmon. And this is my daughter… Violet.''

-'' Hello, Violet. I'm… really sorry for your loss.''

-'' Eeehm… Thank you… Sister.'' Violet said. She looked around the office and was surprised by how luxurious it was; heavy curtains, porcelain vases, mirrors with beautiful ornaments. The mirrors were the strangest part. Violet never thought nuns to be so vain.

-''See anything you like?'' The Sister asked Violet, apparently thirsty for flattery.

-'' Yeah…'' Violet replied, trying to be kind. ''Your office is quite beautiful. Did you decorate it?''

-'' Yes. I redecorated right after the last administrator…quit. Our sense of taste was vastly different… She had none.''

A knock on the door interrupted the Sister's modesty delirium. Before Mary Eunice had the chance to answer, a man in a lab coat and a nurse entered the room.

-'' Dr. Arden you came right on time to meet our new psychiatrist. Dr. Harmon, this is Dr. Arthur Arden. Briar Cliff's physician.''

-'' Nice to meet you.'' Ben said while shaking Dr. Arden's hand.

-'' I'm here too… Sister.'' The nurse pointed sourly. She was amazingly beautiful. The short, tight uniform was highlighting her curves. She had wavy, red hair and skin in the color of alabaster. She was practically perfect… Almost. For there was one slight imperfection. The eye patch on her right eye.

-'' Oh, Moira dear…Why so touchy?'' Sister Mary Eunice asked, twitching her nose in a cute, but also mocking way. '' Doctor, this is Moira O'Hara. She is Dr. Arden's assistant. And I mean that in _every_ possible way.''

Moira goggled her eyes, surprised by the unexpected insult. She was about to hit back, but Dr. Arden grabbed her firmly by the arm and looked at her meaningfully. She immediately calmed down.

Both Violet and Ben were in a loss about how to react in the presence of this peculiar company. Violet had never met a nun before, but she was pretty sure that Sister Mary Eunice was not the regular kind.

-'' Maybe Violet and I should go to our bedrooms, Sister. We are quite tired of the journey from Boston.'' Ben said, desperate to get out of the difficult position.

-''Oh, alright. We may as well talk about your sessions' schedule tomorrow, Doctor. Moira, show them to their bedrooms.''

-'' Why me?'' Moira asked, obviously unwilling to leave the office for some reason.

-''Moira, please.'' Dr. Arden said. The nurse's lips tightened in anger.

-'' Very well. If you may follow me.''

* * *

Scene 3

Violet had no idea about her father's room, but hers was quite horrible. It was small, the atmosphere was muggy and the only furniture in there was a bed and a weathered closet. She thought it would take some time, but she would fix it. Right now though, it was impossible for her to spend time in it. Since she was done meeting nuns of questionable morals and lecherous scientists, she could finally go explore Briar Cliff.

Her first stop was the common room. There she met a very kind nun, Magdalene, who didn't mind having Violet around while she was giving the patients their medication. So in that one hour Violet got to meet all sorts of different people, most of them a lot more interesting than the ones she had met in the out world; a man with dendrophobia, a woman that swore compulsively, a time traveler and many, many others. Some of them even let her take their picture.

There was also a particular company that drew Violet's attention a bit more. They were three patients that were sitting at a table at the far end of the room; right in front of the window. They were not talking…they were doing nothing at all… They just watched. It sort of felt like they were supervising the space. In the middle sat an old woman with long grey hair; she had aged quite gracefully and you could tell that back in her days she used to be very pretty. On her right sat a teenage girl with straight, black hair and black eyes; Violet got the feeling that the girl was watching _her_ in particular. On her left sat a red haired boy who seemed to be around the girls' age.

Sister Magdalene said that they were always like this and always together. Violet decided to go talk to them and let the nun finish her rounds alone.

-'' Hello.'' Violet said happily. '' My name is Violet.''

The two kids shifted uncomfortably on their chairs. The boy threw a frightened look at the old woman.

-'' And we care about that because…?'' The young girl replied coldly.

-'' Well… Since you scrutinized my every move, I thought you'd at least want to know my name.'' Violet told the girl still smiling.

-'' Forgive my friends…'' The old woman said. '' We rarely ever see strangers in Briar Cliff and they don't know how to act around them. I am Elva.''

-''Hello, Elva. And you are?'' Violet asked the girl.

-'' Angelique.''

-'' Cool… Ange.''

-'' No! Angelique.''

-'' O…kay. And what's your name?'' Violet asked, looking at the boy. With eyes full of panic, the boy reached his hand to the girl. She held it tightly and looked at him comfortingly.

-'' He cannot speak.'' Angelique told Violet. ''Not for a long time now.''

-'' He's Kai.'' Elva said.

-'' Nice to meet you all.''

-'' You are the doctor's child. Right?'' Elva asked.

-'' Yes.''

-'' We never thought…he'd bring a child.'' Angelique said. There was a guilty tone in her voice that Violet didn't quite understand.

-'' Angelique means that this is no place for a child.'' Elva hurried to add. '' Don't you have any other relatives? Anywhere else to stay?''

-''No. Not really. But I very much like it here anyway.''

Elva was about to reply when suddenly all three of them stood up.

- ''It's time for us to leave.'' Elva said. '' We'll…be seeing you.''

When she passed near Violet, she grabbed her hand and then let it go abruptly. Violet opened her hand and saw a silver cross necklace. When she turned to ask Elva why she'd given her the necklace, the company had disappeared. At the opposite side of the room stood Sister Mary Eunice…watching her.

* * *

Scene 4 (Silence. Silence all around. )

Sister Mary Eunice looked very unpleased that Violet was consorting with the patients. She told her it was very risky and she wouldn't want to be held responsible if anything bad happened to her. Violet told her that she was just trying to get to know the place for she found it very intriguing so the Sister suggested that she visited Briar Cliff's garden. She said it was one of a kind.

So here was Violet, standing at the back yard under the suggestions of the Sister. She wasn't entirely wrong. The asylum's garden was impressive indeed. Its crops included every winter vegetable that Violet could think of; onions, garlic, broad beans, cauliflowers.

-'' But where are the flowers?'' Violet thought out loud.

-''There ain't any…'' A voice from behind her said. Violet let out a little scream and turned surprised to see a young man standing behind her. The first thing that Violet noticed was that he was unbelievably good looking. He was tall, with blonde, curly hair and warm, hazel eyes. Then when his image had settled in, Violet realized that he was wearing the patient's blue uniform.

''_Of course… All the good ones are psychopaths.'' _She thought. She noticed that he was wearing garden gloves and he was holding a shear.

-'' You are the one taking care of the garden?'' Violet asked.

-'' Yeah… They told us it's good for us to have a hobby. It helps get the dark thoughts away… they said.''

-'' You've done a great job.'' Violet told him. She was a bit anxious and had no idea how else to keep the conversation going. She kept looking at the shear in his hand, wondering if she could outrun him.

The boy noticed it and started laughing.

-'' No need for you to worry. Really.''

-''Really?'' Violet said distrustfully.

-''Yeah… No decent serial killer would off his victims with a shear. It's not poetic enough. Besides…''

-'' Besides what?'' She asked curiously.

He didn't answer for a while. He just looked at her as if he was weighing his words… as if he was not certain if he was allowed to say what he had in mind.

-'' Besides…'' He finally said.'' I would never hurt _you_. Never.''

-'' Why?'' Violet asked. A fluttering sensation in her stomach had started making her nervous.

Though Violet hadn't noticed, the boy had been watching her for quite a while. When he saw her walking in the garden, he wanted to go and tell her off for intruding in _his _space. Especially while he was working. But then for some reason he couldn't. She seemed so…lonely and so vulnerable. Like a sparrow in the midst of a cruel storm; you could never harm it, just try to protect it. He knew it wasn't logical to have such feelings for someone he had never met before, but maybe he had been locked in Briar Cliff for too long and that somehow intensified his feelings.

How could he tell her all these? He couldn't. He would scare her off.

Instead he said:

-'' I…I …don't know…I am Tate by the way.''

-'' I'm Violet. My father is Briar Cliff's new psychiatrist.''

-'' Yeah. I kind of guessed. Then I suppose… we'll be spending Christmas together.''

-'' It must suck to spend Christmas locked up…right?''

-'' Not…if I'm locked up with you.'' Tate said. The fact that when he did, he also lowered his eyes embarrassed, made that line a hundred times more beautiful.

Seconds later the first snow started to fall. It was really a magical moment for Violet.

-''It's getting cold. Wanna walk you inside?''Tate asked.

-''Yes.''

(The two kids are heading into the Asylum side by side. Soundtrack: Abigail's Song **''Let in the shadow. Let in the shadow. Let in the light of your bright shadow.''**)

* * *

**To be continued**

-First of all… Merry Christmas! I wish you all a happy holiday.

-''We'll find strength in pain'' is completely AU so the characters will have different back stories. Also the setting of Briar Cliff I have in mind is not the same as the original. Mine is quite larger and more remote so that I can give the characters more freedom of movements.

- In the parenthesis I give you the music I had in mind when I was writing the scenes. I'm just trying to make the story feel more series-like. You don't actually have to listen to them and if you have any different suggestions about the song choice feel free to tell me.

-I can't promise a happy ending with this one…we'll see how it goes… but I hope you'll enjoy it as much as you enjoyed ''Second Chance''.

**-VioletLangdon1994 **I hope it's close to how you imagined it. Thanks for the suggestion.

Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of its characters.


	2. Chapter 2

_**We'll find strength in pain.**_

Chapter 2

Scene 1 (Ben's office. Early in the morning.)

-''So…how did it happen?'' The doctor asked, closing the black notebook on his lap. It was really important for the patient to feel that she had his full attention.

He moved his armchair closer to hers and looked her in the eyes.

The question caused the young woman to become nervous. She looked down at her bandaged wrists and then let her hands rest protectively on her belly. She hadn't talked about that day for quite some time, but she dreamt about it every night. She would wake up terrified, certain that her sheets would be drowned in blood.

If only she had succeeded…If only the ambulance hadn't arrived in time…she would have found peace.

-'' It happened… suddenly. Everything was going just fine until that morning. I woke up with a horrible headache and nausea. I think I tried to go to the bathroom…because my husband told me he found me out of the bathroom door, having a seizure. I remember regaining consciousness for a minute while I was in the ambulance…I looked around…on the floor there were dozens of gauzes soaked in blood… I wanted to scream…I tried to, but I… couldn't.''

-'' And that's how…''

-''Yes. That's how…I…'' The young woman's voice faded as she struggled not to cry. When she regained control, she said: ''The doctor said it was eclampsia. There was nothing they could do to save my…baby.''

-'' When did you decide to commit suicide?''

-'' I don't know… I guess from the first moment that they revived me at the hospital. I felt… butchered… And the guilt… the guilt was just unbearable. I mean…I was supposed to give life to this child. I was supposed to protect it from every possible harm. And I failed it…'' She sighed and tossed her red hair nervously. '' My husband told me that was crazy, but it's not like he could understand. For him that child was just an idea. I felt it growing inside me. It was a part of me. I would have changed places with it in an instant, if that meant that it got to live.''

Ben felt his chest burning as the girl's words reminded him of the moment he learnt that Vivien hadn't made it. He too, found himself wishing it had been him who died instead. She was the love of his life, an incredible person and an even more incredible mother. He didn't even know how to approach his daughter when she was mourning.

Yes… everything would have been a lot easier if he was the one to go.

-''It's always different for a mother…'' Ben said, still a bit lost in his memories. ''Your love is innate and absolute. Ours… not so much.''

The girl wiped a little tear that was streaming down her cheek and nodded in agreement.

-'' Will you stay long here Dr. Harmon?'' She asked.

-''I certainly hope so, Mrs. McClain.''

-''Hayden. You can call me Hayden.'' She said and a fade grin lighted up her face.

* * *

Scene 2

''_You would expect life in an asylum to be a lot more eventful…'' _ Violet thought as she leafed through her Geometry book. For the past few days all she got to do in the mornings was sit on a crumbly bench in the back yard reading, knitting, eating grape must cookies and… waiting for Tate. After their first meeting (which was forcefully interrupted by the sisters who were very eager to show Violet around) Violet had lost track of him. She had tried the common room, the dining room, asking other inmates… but there was no sign of him. She figured that if he was ever to show up somewhere that would be here, in his garden. So she waited… Every day she waited… And she didn't even know why. She barely knew him. Of course he seemed nice, but the chances of him being a raging psychopath were significantly increased.

''_Well…maybe I'm just lonely.'' _Violet sighed and left the book by her side. She looked ahead of her. Where the garden ended, a little grove of pine trees started. It seemed to be what divided the back and front yard of the Asylum. Violet thought of going for a walk and explore the woods a bit, but then she noticed some movement behind the trees. Soon she saw Elva and Angelique appear.

''Hey!'' Violet shouted and waved her hand at them. Elva noticed her and said something to Angelique. They seemed to argue for a while, but then Angelique grimaced in frustration and waved back at Violet. Elva left but Angelique walked towards the bench.

-'' Would you like some company?'' She asked.

-'' I'd love some company.'' Violet said. She moved aside so that Angelique could sit next to her and then raised her white winter cap in order to be able to see her better.

-'' What the…'' Angelique said, checking out Violet's geometry book. '' What kind of sick way to pass your time is that?''

-''Well…in my defense… I was bored out of my mind.''

-''Not much to do around here, huh?''

-''Not much to do… No one to talk to… I mean… Don't get me wrong. I find all the inmates particularly interesting, but with most of them communication is a bit of a struggle.''

-'' Well… at least there's your father…''

-''Yeah, as I said… No one.''

Angelique smiled.

-''It seems to me Violet that you take some things for granted. I…would give anything to see my parents once again… And they were the ones who locked me up in this hellhole.''

-''Why?''

-'' Why they…locked me up? Because I thought I… could hear stuff sometimes. People's thoughts. They got scared… so they sent me away.''

-'' I'm sorry…''

-'' Don't be… I have a new family now. And they'll be with me forever… no matter what.''

-'' Elva and Kai, right? Where is Kai really? I thought you were inseparable…''

-''He doesn't like coming in the woods with us…They scare him.''

-'' What… happened to him?''

-'' He's been hurt a lot in the past. He didn't use to be like this. He was the most courageous… the most self giving person in the whole world… But after everything he went through...''

-''Wait… You mean here, in the Asylum?''

-''Yes… They…they broke him. And I just wish…''

-''What?''

-'' I just wish he could understand that as long as I'm there… no one will ever hurt him again. I won't let them.''

-'' Angelique… Who are you talking about?''

-'' You'll see… We didn't mean it to happen this way, but now you are here… and you'll see…''

-''Miss Harmon!'' Sister Mary Eunice's voice, who was just descending the back door steps, prevented Violet from asking what Angelique could possibly mean.

The Sister walked fast toward their place and she looked far from happy. She grasped Violet by the arm and lifted her up.

-'' _You _are coming with me.'' She told Violet. As they were walking away, she turned to look behind and said: ''I thought we had an agreement Angelique. Don't expect to honor my side of the bargain when you don't.''

-'' What in the world was that, Sister? Why am I not allowed to have a normal conversation with someone? ''

-'' Does that someone have to be a patient?''

-'' Well… Who do you suggest? Frank, the security guard?''

-'' I hear pen friends are back in fashion.''

Violet freed her arm from the Sister's grasp and stopped her from walking any farther. They were now in the central corridor, meters away from the common room entrance.

-'' You have no right to do this. You cannot forbid me to do anything.''

The Sister crossed her arms and cracked an unreadable smile.

-'' I love it when that happens?''

-'' When what happens?''

-'' When people underestimate what I'm capable of…'' Mary Eunice chuckled and turned to leave.

-'' Before you go…'' Violet began to say and the Sister stood to listen.'' On my first day here, I met a boy… a patient… Tate Langdon is his name. But I haven't seen him since. Did something happen to him?''

-'' Nothing that I know of… or that I care about.'' She went close to Violet so that she could feel her breath on her face. '' Do you… like the Langdon boy? It's nothing to be ashamed of you know… Who _isn't _attracted to schizophrenics with murderous tendencies? I for one sure am!''

-'' Did… Tate hurt anyone?''

-''You mean you don't know? Well…I hate to be the bearer of bad news ( kidding)… but it really hasn't been long since the little psycho got in his mother's bedroom, bathed her and his stepfather with petrol, while they were sleeping, and then he set them on fire.''

-'' You mean… with no reason at all?'' Violet asked, shocked by the revelation.

-'' Oh, I don't know… What would possibly be a good reason for you to set your parents on fire?''

''_None…''_Violet thought and a sentiment of disappointment nested in her chest.

* * *

Scene 3

-'' You _have _to be kidding me!'' Sister Mare Eunice yelled, as she stormed into Dr. Arden's operation room.

-'' What's wrong, dear?'' The ever so calm scientist asked.

-''The girl! The girl is what is wrong!'' The Sister cried, pacing angrily back and forth. '' They are supposed to leave, Arthur. They are supposed to hate Briar Cliff and leave us to continue our work. But the girl is starting to fall for a patient… How are we going to send them away?''

-'' Will you give it time? Let the place work its magic and they'll soon be missing sweet, sweet Boston.''

-'' What if they won't? What if they stay long enough to figure out…''

-''Then…'' Dr. Arden said, interrupting Mary Eunice. '' We will take care of them. _I _will take care of them.''

-'' Do you promise me, Arthur?'' Mary Eunice asked, having calmed down a bit.

-'' Have I ever failed you, Sister?''

-'' No. Never. You've been the most loyal partner I could ever wish for.'' Mary Eunice said and stroked him gently on the face.

(**Soundtrack: Voices of Light-Pater Noster **3:35-4:15**)**

Dr. Arden grimaced at the sound of the word ''_partner''._

-'' I'm much more than a mere partner and you know it.'' He grabbed her by the waist and gave her a hard, violent kiss. Mary Eunice accepted it apathetically, without even blinking.

-''Oh, Arthur… After all these years… How can you still see _her_ in me? She's gone, Arthur.''

-'' This is _not_ about her. It has long stopped being about her.''

''_How can she not see it?''_ Dr. Arden wondered in frustration. Everything he once felt for the sweet and innocent Sister had faded away. Now all he lived for was to serve and protect his dark companion, his eternal partner in crime… his beautiful fallen angel.

He tried to cup her lovely face with his hands but she backed off. She was looking at him, expressionless.

-''That's…very sweet of you Arthur, really…But you are just torturing yourself by hoping that I can love you. I can love no one.

* * *

Scene 4

''_Well… You did meet him in an asylum.''_ Violet told herself. She was still strolling on the central corridor, trying to comprehend what Sister Mary Eunice had just told her. It's not that it hadn't crossed her mind that Tate could be dangerous. The thought was always popping in her head, but every time she was dismissing it. Every time she told herself that if he was, she would have felt it… she would have seen it. But… it turns out, not everything is what it seems.

Being lost deep in her thoughts, Violet was surprised to feel a hand grabbing her by the shoulder. She turned with eyes full of shock to see that the one to have stopped her was Tate Langdon.

Violet cursed her luck silently. She had been looking for him for days and she had found him now… Now that she didn't know if she wanted to. Now that she didn't know how to face him. Now that only the sound of his voice could cause her limbs to go numb.

-''Hey!'' Tate said. He sounded a bit out of breath; he had been probably running to catch up with her.

Violet didn't answer. She was trying to make sure that when she spoke, her words wouldn't come out as broken syllables.

-'' Are you… okay?'' He asked. And then, since he was getting no response, he continued. ''I'm sorry that I've been lost all these days. I was at the infirmary… Every time the Doctor changes my meds, my body doesn't react so well.''

He did seem kind of worn down; Violet thought.

-'' And… is everything alright now?'' She asked.

-'' Yeah… I feel a lot better… Thanks.'' He replied, smiling. '' So… I was thinking that if you wanted to… we could go for a walk?''

''_You. Me. Alone. Don't see that happening buddy.''_ Violet thought.

-'' Eeehm… It's almost noon and I've got to go have lunch with my father.'' She said. As if… Her father always had lunch alone, locked inside his office; if by lunch we meant scotch and tasteless crackers.

-'' Oh… Well… Then you could only walk with me for five minutes. Just so that we can catch up… I mean… I don't have any news, but you could tell me about how you're handling life in the Asylum and stuff.''

''_I'm trying to be polite here, man. Please don't keep pushing it.'' _She thought. Unlike their first meeting, now she just couldn't stop feeling suspicious of him. Plus, he kept hiding his left hand behind his back and that made her even more anxious. ''_There is definitely a garden shear behind there.''_

-''I'm sorry…I really have to go.'' Violet said and turned to leave. But Tate wasn't ready to give up. He grasped her by the hand and tried pull her to his side.

-'' Will you let me go?'' Violet cried, freeing her hand forcefully.

-'' But it will only be for…''

-'' I said NO!'' Violet shouted. ''What don't you understand?''

Tate's eyes widened in surprise and confusion hearing Violet yell at him. Soon, the confusion got replaced by sadness as he realized that Violet was just trying to get away from him.

-'' I'm… sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.'' He said in a low, broken voice. '' It's just… We didn't get to spend Christmas together after all… As I had told you… And I wanted to give you this. Your present.''

**(Soundtrack: Cloud Atlas Sextet)**

Tate finally showed what he was hiding behind his back. It was an ebony, blooming rose. He took Violet's hand, put the rose on her palm and then closed her fingers around it.

-''For you.''

-'' You… painted black.'' Violet replied, lost for words.

-'' No… It was black. It's the only kind of flower that gets to grow around here. Everything else gets drowned by thistles and weeds. But it survives. That's why I wanted to give it to you. So that you will always remember… Even in the worse possible situation, you must never give up. As long as you keep fighting… there's always hope.''

That is the first thing that he wanted to tell her since the moment he saw her walking in the garden. He could see… feel… that she was going through a rough time and he wanted to tell her to never lose hope.

Tate offered Violet a sad, kind smile and then left… as she had wanted him to.

-'' Thank you…'' She said. But she told it in almost whispering voice so she wasn't sure if he heard it.

It was then that Violet understood why she had been longing to see Tate all these days. Not just because she felt lonely, but because at their first meeting she had looked into his eyes and all she saw was pain and kindness; the type of kindness that she had never expected to find in a hopeless place like the Asylum and she wanted to hold on to it.

Which was she supposed to trust? Her instinct or the facts?

* * *

**To be continued**

**-Happy New Year Violate shippers… and not... **** I wish health and good luck to you and all the people you love!**

**-Did you see '' The Name Game''? What an amazing episode. I especially loved the ending! (Spoiler Alert!) Dr. Arden and Mary Eunice were such an amazing pairing. Their dynamic was just beautiful and though i'll miss them terribly, they had one hell of a powerful ending. **

**- I hope you enjoyed the second chapter as much as the first… No… more!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of the characters. **


	3. Chapter 3

**We'll find strength in pain**

Chapter 3

Scene 1

On December 31st Violet opened her still sleepy eyes and smiled as she took in the image of her perfect, black rose lying on the edge of the nightstand. And though its petals had started to wither and fall, looking at it never failed to cause her the same set of mixed feelings; excitement, nervousness… guilt. She wanted to go apologize to Tate for the way she had treated him last time she saw him, but there was always something holding her back. She just couldn't determine who Tate really was… Was he a tormented, yet kind, soul or a dangerous maniac? Or both? Could someone be both?

She had to find a way out of her dilemma soon or she would go crazy. Crazy from suspiciousness… crazy from the suffering it is to have to keep away from the person you least want to. So this morning she woke up determined that this would be the day she would decide how to proceed. In order to do that she would have to do something… unthinkable; ask for her father's help. She would just ask him if Tate was dangerous to be around… She would throw two or three more names in the conversation to make it a bit more general. Surely even her father would understand that her interacting with inmates was only expected… After a while it got boring playing backgammon by yourself.

Violet quickly put on a grey, wool dress, threw some water on her face and ran out of her room to go find her father. He should be at his office since he wouldn't stop seeing patients until very late at noon. Of course she didn't want to interrupt him if he was currently carrying out a session so she didn't knock on the door; the faintest of distractions could derail a patient's train of thought. She opened the door with as little noise as possible and didn't close it completely. She then walked down the hall that led to a large, redwood room divider behind which was Ben's desk. Violet stood for a while with her back to the divider. She could hear her father writing down on his notebook and the sound of a foot clicking nervously on the floor. He _was _with a patient. She would come back later. But then she heard a voice… _His _voice.

-'' I'm telling you I spent four days at the infirmary. It was worse than any time before.'' Tate said.

-'' I believe you, Tate. But the symptoms you describe don't seem to be a negative effect of the antipsychotics. That would be extremely uncommon. Well… I guess we'll have to wait and see.''

-'' But what if it is the meds that make me sick?''

-''Then we'll deal with it at that time. Now let's move on… I heard your mother came to visit yesterday. You refused to go meet her… again.''

-''She should have stopped trying by now… It's not like I'm changing my mind any time soon. ''

-''Tate, don't you feel the need to talk things over with your mother? You know she loves you. After everything that has happened she found the strength to forgive you.''

Tate's face turned into a grimace and his lips tightened in a way you could tell he was trying really hard not to lose his calm. He strengthened his grip around the arms of his chair and took a deep breath.

-''Did…did she say that? That _she_ forgives me?'' He asked after a while.

-'' Well…we did have a small conversation and she did say that, yes.''

-'' Okay. Next time she comes tell her that she's a twisted bitch and that I will never, never forgive _her_. Are we done now?'' He stood up to leave. Violet started quietly backing off.

-'' Tate, wait.'' Ben said calmly and grabbed Tate by the wrist.

-'' I don't want to talk about my mother, Doctor. I don't even want to think about her. What I want is for her to disappear from the face of this earth. What I want is to shut that filthy mouth that has managed to cause more pain than any burn could.'' He turned to look at Ben with eyes red from anger and unreleased tears. '' But…I failed.''

-'' I see that it is hard for you to address the issue of your mother. And I don't want to pressure you, Tate. But at some point we will have to talk about her. It is a crucial part of your recovery.''

-''My recovery? From what? From my hate? Why would I want to get rid of the one thing that keeps me alive, Doctor?'' He said in the most natural manner.

Ben stood up to face Tate and put his hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

-'' Surely, it can't be the only thing… There must be something…someone…''

-'' Nothing… No one… There was only one. One person that got me through the hell that life is and now… now that person is gone.''

Ben nodded as he understood for whom Tate was talking about.

-'' Do you want to talk about her?'' He asked.

Tate pulled Ben's hand away from his shoulder.

-'' No.'' He replied and then walked away for good, closing forcefully the office's door behind him. He was surprised to see Violet standing right beside him, with her side against the wall. He didn't move… He didn't speak. He just stood there…with his hand still grasping the doorknob… and he was looking at her. At some point he hesitantly took her hand into his and he tried to say something.

If her eyes could communicate her thoughts, those would be…_''Talk to me'_'… '_'Trust me''_… '_'I'm here for you_.'' But those thoughts probably never reached Tate. He let go of her hand, whispering an apology and then left.

That was when Violet decided. As far as Tate was concerned she would go with her gut. Not that her gut was telling her that he couldn't possibly be a deranged psychopath. It was simply telling her that she didn't care even if he was.

* * *

Scene 2(Soundtrack: The common room's jukebox playing ''I'm a fool to want you'' by B. Holiday)

Violet scanned the common room and was happy to see that Angelique was sitting at her usual place by the window. She was with Kai and she was reading him a book; probably the ''Jane Eyre'' copy Violet had lent her. She and Angelique had come a bit closer these past few days, even though Angelique was always trying to keep a certain distance. But she was a good listener and she had mentioned a couple of times that if Violet needed some kind of help she could always go to her or Elva.

-'' Hi, guys.'' Violet said. '' Am I interrupting?''

Angelique closed the book and looked up at her.

-'' If I tell you that you are, will you leave?'' She asked very seriously.

-'' No.'' Violet replied and took a sit opposite to them at the table. '' I need your help.''

-''Do you have an actual problem this time or is this again about your obsession with flower boy?''

-''Hey! This was supposed to be personal!''

-'' Well, it's not like Kai is going to tell anyone. Right, Kai?''

An inclination of Kai's head indicated his agreement. Violet smiled at him, but he didn't. He just looked around as if to see if anyone was watching them.

-'' So…'' Angelique continued. '' What can we help you with?''

-'' You probably can't… But I just thought I should give it a shot. Is there any way that we could get hold of a set of keys?''

-''Keys for what?''

-''For…the cell doors?'' Violet knew that what she was asking was almost impossible. But from what she had gathered Elva and her company seemed to have a freedom of movements that the rest of the patients didn't. There had been one time that Violet went down to the kitchen, hours after midnight, to boil herself some milk because a cough was keeping her up. Strangely enough she had found Angelique and Kai there eating the cookies the Sisters had prepared for the Christmas Errand. So if anyone could provide Violet with a way into the cells, it was them.

-'' What makes you think that we have access to keys?'' Angelique asked, still keeping up kind of a poker face.

-'' Am I wrong?''

-'' Hmmm… I don't know. What do you think, Kai? Is she?''

And for the first time since Violet met him, Kai formed a grin. A cunning grin.

* * *

Scene 3

It was a little while before the clock hit twelve and 1963 became nothing more than memories that Violet found herself waiting in the Asylum's kitchen. That is where Angelique had told her she would meet her. She was very lucky that her father had left for the nearest town that very afternoon. They had called him from the local health center to evaluate a patient's condition and if he would need admittance to Briarcliff. _Fortunately_, he met an old acquaintance there who invited him to spend New Year's Eve with his family. _Fortunately _because if he hadn't, he would have probably forced Violet to welcome 1964 together.

She didn't have to wait for long. Angelique came soon and without even saying one word she headed for the kneading counter. She pulled a lose wooden plate from its bottom and revealed a cavity behind it. She then drew a metallic box from inside. When Violet approached her, she saw that the box had several keys inside. Angelique picked an old one hanging from a red lace and handed it to Violet.

-'' How…how did you get all those keys? What are they for?'' She asked in as low a voice as possible.

-'' They are Elva's. And it is none of your business what they're for. But _that_ one can open any cell you want.''

-'' And which cell _do_ I want to open?''

-'' Third one from the end. Now hurry. I don't plan spending New Year's Eve with you.''

Violet had never gone down to the cell level. It wasn't much different than what a regular prison looked in her mind; dark, moist, suffocating. Even if you weren't crazy, spending your nights trapped in here could very well do the job. She avoided looking at Angelique who was walking right beside her. She was afraid that if she did, she would be able to detect the pity in her eyes.

When they reached the men's wing Angelique told Violet to hide in the little storage room right beside the entrance. Male patients were a minority in Briarcliff and so their wing consisted of a series of only 54 cells and they were guarded by only one man. Violet kept the room's door a bit open so that she could hear what was going on.

-'' Hey there! Mr. Crane, shouldn't you be with Mrs. Crane tonight?'' Violet heard Angelique shout.

-''Shouldn't you be rotting in your rat hole as every other night?'' A man shouted back. She then heard some quick, heavy steps and then a gasp. '' What the fuck are you doing here Irving?''

-'' I…I came to spend the night with my guy. What else? And now will you be a darling and open his cell for me?''

The man started laughing.

-'' I have no idea how you were left out of your cell, but your little trip ends here. I will tell the Fray boy that you stopped by.''

Seconds later Violet saw the guard dragging Angelique to the opposite direction where the women's wing was. She quickly left the storage room and ran for the end of the corridor. Her heart was beating fast and she couldn't control her hands, but she somehow managed to unlock the third cell's door.

Tate was still awake, lying in the dark. When Violet opened the door, he immediately stood up and lighted an oil lamp so that he could identify his night visitor.

-''You…''

(Soundtrack: **''Did you ever wonder why''** by Dickon Hinchliffe)

-''Me…''

-'' How is that possible?''

-'' I am not a hallucination if that is what you're wondering. I am very real… and I'm here to stay.''

-'' Why?''

-''Because… I wanted us to begin this new year together.'' She closed the door and walked slowly to his side. ''I wanted you to understand that this year nothing will be the same.''

-''How… how so?'' He asked, still trying to process how she could be standing there in his cell.

-'' You told my father that your hate is the only thing that keeps you alive… But that… that is an awful way of living, Tate. So from now on… I am begging you… live for me.''

Tate gently placed his palm at the side of her neck and looked at her questioningly.

-'' For you…?

-'' Yes… Every time you are ready to give up… every time you think of harming yourself… or others… please remember that I won't bear it if anything happens to you.''

-''You…barely know me.''

-'' It's crazy. I know. But I guess sometimes it only takes a moment. Maybe living in a creepy Asylum somehow speeds up the process… Who cares…? Will you promise me, please?''

-'' Okay. I promise.'' He whispered with a soothing voice.

Violet smiled, took his hand from her neck and held it tight. He made a little step forward and bended his head a bit so that his forehead would touch hers. They stood like that for a minute… For a minute that felt like a century because for these kind of moments time can do nothing else but stop and the world can do nothing else but disappear. There was no fear, no grief, and no darkness.

There was just him and her and the exploding sound of their heartbeats synching together.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-I knoooooow! It took me forever to update and the chapter seems rushed. I am always making the same mistake…I am uploading a story right before my exams begin and then I'm going crazy as to how to combine both. I swear after February I will update a lot more regularly…**

**- I really hope you liked the chapter. The rest will be a lot more well written I assure you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**We'll find strength in pain**

Chapter 4

Scene 1

Violet and Tate began their new year the way everyone should; with a kiss. Since the day Violet had met her troubled knight few were the nights that she hadn't dreamt about that kiss. She knew it was completely unreasonable to long for someone you had only just met but she couldn't help but feel the need to recreate the warm sensation that had flooded her existence the moment Tate had first spoken to her. So every night she would meet him in her dreams and there, there would be no second thoughts and no reservations. There was just the absolute need to satisfy her desires, to feel Tate's touch and taste his kisses. Kisses she would always imagine to be passionate, rough and dominating. So it was definitely a surprise when their first, actual kiss was nothing like her spectacular dream sequences but sort of…hesitant. Both of them were holding back. One afraid not to hurt and the other not to _be_ hurt. But beside that, Violet got to experience an unknown to her sense of intimacy. The kind she never had with anyone before; even with her mother whom she loved deeply. Tate's warmth and lips felt unusually familiar and…necessary.

And then Violet opened her eyes and finally let the reality of her surroundings settle in. It was strange… For one truly beautiful moment the world had completely disappeared and nothing really mattered and the next moment the heat of Tate's body just wasn't enough to beat the rigor his cold, dim cell was sending through her body. She gently broke their connection and backed off, looking around her sort of in a confused way. As though she had just noticed where she was…what she was doing…

At first Tate didn't understand…but gradually he realized. His lips curved in a sad smile and he looked down at his feet, trying hard not to show his disappointment.

-'' You really didn't think this through…huh?'' He asked.

-'' I was kind of trying to be spontaneous…'' Violet said, throwing him an embarrassed look. '' I was just… tired of driving myself crazy with doubt and second thoughts. I just wanted to do what felt…right.''

-'' But now…it doesn't feel so right….yeah?''

-'' It feels… odd. This isn't exactly what I had in mind for my first kiss... But I do know that I'd rather be here with you than anywhere else.'' Violet hurried to add, afraid that Tate would think she had regretted her decision.

-'' Come here.'' Tate said, reaching for Violet's hand and then leading her to sit right beside him on his bed. ''Why did you want to be here…with me…tonight?''

-''I…just did.'' Violet replied, frowning. She really couldn't understand the reason for his question.

-'' Maybe because you felt lonely?''

-'' No!'' Violet protested.

-'' Then…maybe because you thought that _I_ would feel lonely. Was it because of what happened this morning…of what I said to your father?''

-'' Yes…it was partly because of that. I told you so. What you said to my father terrified me. I couldn't bear the thought of you living just by feeding with hate and thoughts of revenge. I wanted you to know that there are so many more things that matter… So yeah…what happened this morning led me to come down here, tonight. But that doesn't change the fact that even if I had chosen to stay up there, in my room….I'd still spend the night wishing I was here with you.''

Tate wished he didn't have to ask. He wished he could settle for the unbelievable bliss her words had caused him to feel. But unfortunately…he had to ask.

-''Why? Why do you want to be with me?''

Violet narrowed her eyes in confusion.

-''What kind of question is that?''

-''Violet, look around you. You already understand that you and me will be nothing but conventional. It will be hard…painful most of the time…I will probably disappoint you more times than I will make you happy. So why? Why do you want to be with me? Why do you think it is worth it?''

Violet knew that the only right answer to Tate's question would be ''_Because I cannot not be with you.'' _And that's what she almost said. But she didn't….Because it wasn't yet true… it couldn't be.

-'' Can't we just wait and see where it goes? Why do we have care about all these now?'' She said instead.

Tate looked at Violet with eyes full of affection and stroked her gently on the cheek.

-'' I have to care about all these now, Violet. Because later I won't be able to… I will be in love…and that means that I will be selfish. I will only care about how to be with you… how to be close to you… So I have to know… if this is really what you want. If you understand the situation…If you can handle it.''

Violet sighed in frustration. She had come down here determined to follow her instincts and now Tate was posing all these questions and he filled her with doubt again.

She really had no idea what she would have answered if she had gotten the chance. If at that moment the door hadn't opened with a loud banging noise for Angelique to rush inside.

-''Oh, thank God you have your clothes on!'' She said almost out of breath. '' We have only ten minutes till the next guard gets here. You have to go back like right now. We won't get another chance.''

Violet looked at Tate in a loss for words. She couldn't really think of anything appropriate to close their conversation with. She couldn't even come up with the right words to say goodnight. But it seems she didn't need to… When she tried to say something, he silenced her by softly placing his hand on her lips. He closed the small distance between them and he whispered in her ear:

-''I don't deserve you, Violet. I will never make you happy while you, tonight, gave me more happiness than my heart could ever hold.''

Violet took Tate's hand off her mouth and kissed him lightly on the tips of his fingers.

-'' If happiness was that important people would never risk falling in love.''

-'' Am I the only one around here with any understanding of what is going on?'' Angelique shouted. ''Let's. GO!''

She dragged Violet by the arm and forced her out of the cell, quickly closing the door behind her.

When this door usually closed, Tate would be left alone to fight with his demons. Tonight he just knew he would make a worthy opponent because he felt…unbeatable.

* * *

Scene 2

Violet's vision had gone blur in the midst of all the panic. She could barely see the gate at the end of the corridor. So all she could do was let Angelique lead her and run… Run with everything she had. It wasn't that she was afraid about getting in trouble. What her father or the messed up nun would say to her was of little concern. But what would happen to Tate? What would happen to Elva and Angelique if they discovered their keys?

She felt Angelique's grip tightening around her and then she felt that they were slowing down. At first she couldn't understand why. But then she heard…

There was a singing murmur filling the underground halls of the Asylum. A cold, eerie voice that made utter silence seem like the most comforting prospect. Violet could tell who it was. She turned to look to Angelique for solutions but she shook her head in a way that said there was nothing they could do. They just kept walking slowly towards the gate and the voice sounded closer and closer…

'' _Fast away the old year passes. Fa La La La La, La La La La. Hail the new, ye lads and lasses. Fa La La La La, La La La La .Sing we joyous, all together, Fa La La La La La, La La La .Heedless of the wind and weather,  
Fa La La La, La La… La… La…''_

Angelique pushed the iron door and got out first, almost guarding Violet with her body. On the steps of the narrow stairway leading to the world above sat Sister Mary Eunice. She was wearing a long, white nightdress and her hair was falling gracefully on her right shoulder. When she saw the girls she started laughing and clapping like if this was the most fun she had in years.

-''Happy New Year!'' She cried. She stood up and came down the stairs. As she was getting closer, her fake smile was starting to fade. ''You had a good time, I hope…''

-'' I'm sure you do.'' Angelique whispered, lowering her eyes to avoid hers.

-''Oh, I do…'' Mary said, suddenly grabbing Angelique by the neck. '' I really, really hope you had one hell of a time… so that it'll be worth the punishment.''

-''Stop that. She did nothing wrong.'' Violet said, trying to pull the Sister's arm away from her friend's neck but failing. ''She was just…''

-''Trying to help? I know…'' The Sister told her, pushing her away.'' She's a sucker for romance. But unfortunately, this is not a Jane Austen novel. It's life in an Asylum and it has rules. MY rules!''

Mary Eunice squeezed Angelique's neck even harder and almost raised her from the ground. She looked like a puppet with her hands hanging aimlessly and her feet barely touching the floor. The girl had been trying to wear a brave, defiant face till now, but soon her eyes widened in terror.

-''Please…please don't…'' Angelique mumbled through her teeth.

The Sister shrugged her shoulders, probably meaning they should have thought about that earlier. Angelique's pupils darkened and dilated. She opened her mouth…First gasping for air…Then screaming. Violet could not fully understand the why, but Angelique seemed to suffer an intense pain. She was yelling and trying to break the Sister's hold on her friend's neck….but in vain. Soon she could hear cries coming from every single cell… Desperate pleas for everything to stop. It sounded as if the inmates were banging themselves on the doors, trying to bring them down. At some point Violet was certain she heard Tate calling her name.

And then the madness stopped. Absolute silence fell… Finally. Violet had never felt greater relief.

Mary Eunice let Angelique slip through her fingers and land on her knees, crying silent tears.

-'' Hope I made myself clear. Violet, help our dear friend here to come to her senses and then go back to your room. We'll see what your father has to say about all these tomorrow. You are his responsibility…not mine… Not yet.''

The second that Sister Mary Eunice disappeared in the darkness of the stairway, Violet saw Kai rushing through the gates of the men's wing. He threw her a look that said that this was all her fault and then kneeled right next to Angelique. He locked her face between his hands and turned it so that their eyes would meet. It was as if he was trying to communicate his thoughts to her…Strangely enough it seemed to be working. Little by little, Angelique's previously blank eyes were coming back to life.

-'' Take me to sleep.'' She whispered and put her arms around his neck. He picked her up in his hands and he walked away toward the men's wing.

Violet was left alone, waiting from second to second to wake up in her room. This could not be real. It had to be a nightmare.

* * *

Scene 3

-'' Have you lost your mind?'' Ben Harmon asked his daughter. He had called for her to come at his office the moment he returned to Briarcliff, late at noon. Obviously Sister Mary Eunice had told him everything that had happened last night. From her own perspective of course.

-''What is so wrong about me wanting to spend New Year's Eve with my friend?'' By friend Violet referred to Angelique. She didn't want to freak her dad out even more by telling him about Tate.

-''Violet, I do understand that you might have developed some kind of bond with the girl. I'm not saying there's something wrong with that, but she is an inmate of this facility and she has to follow a set of rules. Running around the Asylum with you in the middle of the night is not one of them. I mean…what were you possibly thinking? Have you seen how it is down there?''

-'' Have you, dad? Because I really can't see how anyone would allow people to live under these conditions. It's like a prison down there. There's hardly any light, the hygiene state is inconceivable…''

-'' Violet… This is not what we're talking about. The Sisters are doing everything in their power to help these people.''

-''Yeah…Like Sister Mary Eunice. If you had only seen how she treated Angelique last night…''

-'' The girl defied her authority. She had to act strictly so that it wouldn't happen again.''

-''You weren't there, dad! The woman is a complete nut job!''

-''Stop exaggerating Violet. I think you should go apologize to her. I don't want last night's events to ruin our relationship with the rest of the stuff.''

-''Oh my God, how dim-sighted can you be? I can't understand if you are stupid or if you just don't care!''

-''VIOLET!''

-''What? Did I offend you? Good…Then my job here is done! Happy New Year, dad.''

Violet stormed out of her dad's office and walked away so quickly that failed to notice the young redhead that had been waiting anxiously outside. She knocked hesitantly on the door and even though she didn't get an answer, she got in.

Ben frowned in confusion when he say Hayden appear from behind the room divider.

-''Hayden. What are you doing here?''

-''I…I was expecting you to come back. You told me to write a letter… Remember? I did and I wanted to give it to you.'' The girl handed a folded piece of paper to the doctor.

-''Oh, yeah…The assignment. Thank you, Hayden. Did it help?''

-'' Kind of.''

-''Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow during our session. Okay?''

-''Is everything alright with your daughter?''

-'' What? Why?''

-'' I saw her coming out of your office. She seemed upset.''

-''Well…yeah…We have some problems. But they're kind of personal.''

-''I understand. I just… wanted you to know that it'll be alright. I mean… Me and my dad were always like that. Fighting…getting on each other's nerves. I kept thinking that he didn't understand me…that he didn't care…''

-''Is that supposed to make me feel optimistic?'' Ben joked.

-''Yes. Because… deep down I knew he did care. And even though we always failed to express it, we did love each other very, very much. I'm sure your daughter loves you, Dr. Harmon and on some level she knows that everything you're doing is for her own good.''

Ben smiled. Not with the fake, condescending smile all psychiatrists give to their patients, but with a real, grateful one.

Hayden left the office glowing in pride for having helped her doctor feel a little bit better.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-Hope you liked the chapter! I'm almost done with my exams. Almost…yeah… 2 down, 3 more to go. But Internal Med. And Surgery went well so everything is beautiful and nothing hurts!**

**-Did you enjoy the AHS finale? I really, really liked it… But unfortunately we didn't get many answers on the alien sl. Anyway…Let's see what season 3 is going to be about.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of the characters.**


	5. Chapter 5

**We'll find strength in pain**

Chapter 5

Scene 1 (Soundtrack: River Flows In You-Yiruma)

_{Dear Scott,_

_Yes… Scott…That would have been your name if you'd gotten the chance to live…if I'd gotten the chance to hold you in my arms. I'm supposed to be writing this letter in order to say goodbye…in order to let you go. But how am I supposed to do that in a paragraph or two?_

_Since the time that the only sign of your existence was a fluttery sensation in my stomach I had pictured our lives together. And I was waiting anxiously… For you to draw your first breath, for your first day at school, for your first heartbreak. Instead I got a half-painted room, an empty crib and scars to remind me of what could have been. And then people were telling me to be strong and move on…Without you? How was that possible? We were meant to go through life together. If you were gone, why did I have to go on?_

_Wherever you are is where I belong Scott. There is no man, no therapy and not enough drugs in the world to convince me otherwise. But it is not till now…that I am struggling to find the words to give us closure… that I finally understood how unfitting of a mother what I did was. It was weak. It was cowardly. What you must have been thinking of me my beautiful son when I was lying broken, waiting for all life to be drained out of me. You must have seen me for the selfish being I am. Because I can see now that I wasn't doing it for you, as I thought, but for me… In order to get rid of the pain and the guilt. _

_So instead of a goodbye Scott, I intend this letter to be a promise. I will try hard to become stronger and wiser and the mother that you deserve. I'm not letting you go babe… I'd never… I'm just asking you to wait and never, never doubt my love._

_Remember the poem I used to tell you every night before we went to sleep?_

''_I feel that in the heaven's above,_

_The Angels, whispering to one another,_

_Can know, among the burning terms of love,_

_None so devotional as that of Mother''_

_Until we meet again, _

_Your mum}_

Ben kept staring at Hayden's letter and re-reading it again and again. When he gave the assignment to the girl, he never expected anything like that. Most patients would use the assignment as a way of blowing off steam or writing what they thought their psychiatrist wanted to hear. But Hayden's letter was real and raw and it almost made him feel guilty for putting her through this process. Hayden was a mother…a childless mother. And he, as everyone else, was treating her like a girl that had suffered a loss like any other.

He suddenly thought of Vivien and what she would have gone through if she'd gotten to survive giving birth to their dead child. As much as it pained him to admit it, he would have chosen Vivien's life over their son's any time. She was his partner, his everything… While Vivien like Hayden wouldn't have given it a second thought to sacrifice her life if it meant her child got to live.

Ben looked at the wall clock and found himself counting the minutes till it was time for Hayden's session. Being around the girl caused him so many mixed emotions. It was certainly painful but it was also…comfortable.

* * *

Scene 2

Tate let out a sleepy, confused groan and tried to roll over to his side. Now he was even more confused realizing that for some reason he couldn't. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. His vision was still kind of blurry but he instantly recognized Dr. Arden's operation room. He cursed under his breath and tried to recall how he had ended up there. He could remember being led to the isolation room. He remembered sitting in the dark patiently for hours… after all this time he had learnt that fighting back was the most unhelpful thing to do… and then that creepy nurse, Moira, had entered the room holding a syringe. After that his mind had kind of shut off.

He looked down at his hands and finally understood why he couldn't move. There were leather straps holding down his wrists on the arms of the operation table. Suddenly, the drugs numbing his mind weren't enough to push away the panic wave that flooded his body. Tate wasn't stupid. He hadn't been in the Asylum for too long when he had started noticing that certain patients had gone missing without any explanation or that the infirmary was always full of people getting sick with no apparent reason. Tate could tell it was from the meds they were shoving down their throats. They kept changing them every once in a while and it appeared that their sole effect was giving him near death experiences. He had tried to tell Violet's dad, but he didn't seem to get the hint.

And now there he was; tied up in a lunatic scientist's lair, certain that his time had come to meet up with the rest of Briarcliff's missing patients. There had been a time that he wouldn't have cared. Why should he? From fear of anything bad happening to him? When had anything good happened to him? But now he was dying inside even in the possibility of him kicking the bucket without at least having said goodbye to Violet. And who would protect Violet after he was gone? When they first met he had thought to warn her about the psychos running the place, but he had concluded that her not knowing would be a much safer option. He had also decided right there and then that as much as it didn't please him when Violet stopped being safe he would find a way to get her out of the Asylum. How the fuck was he supposed to do that now?

''_Well…maybe her dad…No. They're screwed.''_ Tate thought and sighed in frustration.

He heard the door opening and then closing slowly. Sister Mary Eunice soon came to stand over his head. She looked at him smiling, her head tilted to the side.

-'' Missed me?'' She asked with an amused voice.

-'' Not really…'' Tate replied coldly. ''But clearly you did.'' He pointed to his tied up wrists with his eyes.

-'' Well…This is kind of your fault.'' She said in an informative tone. ''You were a bad boy, Mr. Langdon. You have broken the rules. And though normally I'd find that extremely attractive, right now it's kind of inconvenient for my plans. So we'll have to… fix it.''

The door opened again and the nun formed an enthusiastic grin as she welcomed in the doctor. Moira was following right behind him.

-''Do we really have to do this?'' Dr. Arden asked in a tiresome manner, but still ordered for Moira to drug the ECT device close to the table with a motion of his hand.

-'' Do we have to go through this again, Arthur? What do you want me to do? Let the girl live her Romeo & Juliette fantasy and have her stick around long enough to start snooping around? We have to put a stop to this nonsense.''

-''And how will a mere electroshock session is going to help with that? Not that he'll be much in the mood for romance, but he will recover…eventually…''

-''We'll figure out our next move when he does. When we're done with him, all she'll be able to feel is exhausted and distraught.''

Moira let out a mocking chuckle.

-'' Is there something you need to share with us, Moira?'' The Sister asked, obviously annoyed.

-'' No…not really.'' She said while setting the electrodes on Tate's head. ''It's just… that it's painfully obvious how oblivious you are to the whole concept of love.''

-'' Love? What love? She's fifteen… She's as oblivious to the concept as I am.'' The Sister said back angrily.

Moira looked at her, forming a fake smile.

-'' Oh, Sister, you underestimate yourself. No one compares to you when it comes to the incapability of expressing any kind of human emotion.''

-''Funny, Moira… I thought that you of all people would be extremely grateful for this quality of mine.'' Mary Eunice stated while provocatively moving closer to the doctor.

The one eyed nurse dropped the kidney dish on the operation tray causing a thud and threw a warning look towards the Sister.

-'' Sister…'' The doctor started saying, trying to change the road that conversation was taking. '' What I don't understand is why don't we just… let him join the rest of the projects and get it over with.''

-''Oh, Arthur…'' She replied softly, cupping the doctor's face with her hand. She could feel him pressing on her touch. ''That is what's going on? Are you anxious to find your next ''subject''? Darling, you know as well as I do that the Langdon boy is not a right candidate. Besides… I very much like having him around. He sort of brightens up the place.''

The Sister let go of the doctor and moved to press her body to Tate's side and stroked the boy's cheek. Moira took sheer enjoyment watching the pained look on Arden's face, while Tate just turned to look away. He could barely care for the quarrels of that sickening ménage à trois, when he was trying to gather courage for what was about to happen. The procedure wasn't scaring him as much as the thought of Violet having to see him like that.

He tried to calm herself by closing his eyes and creating a mental image. He tried to picture the first time he saw Violet. She was walking through the garden…_his _garden… looking sort of out of place. As she walked, she was brushing the tips of her fingers on the leaves of the recently watered plants and she was smiling. Tate had never seen a more complex smile. It wasn't one of happiness neither a fake one. It was the smile of a person who had suffered…who _was _suffering…a lot but who was trying not to give up on life. He instantly hoped he could be the one to make her happy again, but unfortunately he knew no one less suited for the job. So he tried to stay away…hidden behind the trees… He tried. He really tried…but he just couldn't leave her alone.

-'' Did you inject the muscle relaxant?'' He heard the doctor ask.

-''Yes, Doctor.'' Moira replied.

-''Good…'' Arden said. ''Hit him.''

Seconds after, Violet's image in Tate's head was breaking into thousands of pieces and turning into the violent image of red fireworks.

* * *

Scene 3

-''I think we need to talk…No…Scratch that. I'm fucking totally positive that we need to talk.'' Violet told Elva when she went to sit next to her at the company's usual spot by the window.

-''Good morning to you too.'' Elva replied dryly, not even lifting her head from the newspaper to look at Violet.

-''Elva, I'm serious. I'm going crazy here and I … I have no one else to talk to.''

The old woman's eyes softened even though they still didn't flicker from the world news section.

-''Tell me.''

-''Do you know what happened to Angelique the other night?''

-''Yes…By the way you will have to find a way to get out of Kai's black list. Not that I'm blaming him. Angelique risked a lot trying to help you.''

-''I…I know. Is she okay now? Where are they?'' Violet asked, eyes widening with guilt and concern.

-'' She's recovering… They'll be fine. They'll get through this together.'' The certainty in Elva's voice was hinting that Angelique and Kai had already withstood time and hardships enough and they had learnt how to deal with this kind of situations…side by side.

Violet nodded in understanding. -''What happened down there was…weird. Elva, there's something wrong going on with that nun… And you and Angelique keep saying those stuff that make me think bad things have been occurring in Briarcliff. But you never talk clearly… you never tell the truth.''

-''If there was something you needed to know we would have told you. What's going on in the Asylum is none of your concern.'' Elva replied, finally turning her head up to face her.

-'' None of my concern?'' Violet cried, face flushed with anger. '' If people are getting hurt here I have to know. The rest of the world _needs_ to know. ''

She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down and stared intensely at Elva, waiting for her answer. But Elva stayed silent.

-'' I'm…I'm sorry I raised my voice…but…''

-''You're worried.''

-''Yes. Elva… I can't find Tate. Again. You'd imagine that being confined in an asylum would make it easier for people to track you down, but one more time he's nowhere to be found. And he's not in the infirmary. I checked.''

Violet was trying to sound in control but she was really starting to panic. She knew Tate's disappearance had something to do with her visiting his cell. She knew that Sister Mary Eunice would find a way to punish Tate for not respecting her rules. Which wasn't even true… Tate hadn't planned for Violet to go down there. It was her decision…her fault. If anything were to happen to Tate she'd be the one to blame.

-'' I'm sure Tate's fine.'' Elva finally said. ''He… he still has people who care about him and who will raise hell if he came to any harm. They won't risk it.''

Suddenly, Violet's widened in horror. All color got drained from her face as she kept staring in shock behind Elva's back. ''You think?'' She muttered and pointed towards the window.

Elva confused turned to look behind.

Tate was not missing anymore. He was right outside, in the garden. A young nun was cradling him with her hands. He didn't look well. He seemed weak and disoriented and his eyes…Something about his eyes was not quite right. The nun led him to sit on a bench and then left.

Violet almost knocked down her chair as she stood up abruptly and ran out of the common room.

''_I did this. I did this to him.''_ She kept thinking while she was running like a mad woman in the central corridor. She threw herself on the back door and opened it with a force. Her legs kept going and going…until she was a few meters away from where Tate was sitting… and then they froze. She stood still, feeling the air around her going thick and cold. She didn't know what to do. Tate was staring at her…more accurately toward her, because she could tell he couldn't quite register her presence. He couldn't quite perceive the world around him…he was lost in his own.

-''Tate.'' She called for him but she got no reaction. She swallowed back salty tears and went to sit next to him. She kept a bit of a distance, but reached out with her hand to stroke his.

It was minutes later that Tate actually started to acknowledge her presence. He looked down at their joined hands and then at Violet. He narrowed his till then blank eyes as if he was working really hard for a thought…a memory…to come back to him. -''I know you.'' He finally said and then went back to staring at the void.

Violet pulled him in for a hug and kissed him softly on the temple.

She just sat by his side…and she would for as long as he needed it.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-Hey there my amazing followers! I'm finally done with this horrendous period of my life which is called exams and I managed to upload a new chapter. I'm so…so sorry for updating so late. You probably had to re-read the previous chapters in order to get in the spirit of this one. I will try to update more often now that I'm done.**

** - I'd like to say that I have never…until now…had to go through ECT so please bare with me with that description. Also…I'm very well aware that ECT is very helpful for many, many people with psych. diseases, but for this story's sake I chose to portray it as a bad experience.**

** -The little poem in Hayden's letter is Poe's.**

** -Thank you so much for reading my story. I really hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own AHS or any of its characters.**


	6. Chapter 6

**We'll find strength in pain.**

Chapter 6

Scene 1(Common Room, 9 a.m.)

-''I'm…I'm afraid he doesn't even know who I am.'' Violet said quietly. She kept looking at Tate who was aimlessly rearranging a deck of cards. He was mixing it, cutting it, laying random cards on the table and he was really, really getting on her nerves. She had tried to take it away from him but then the only thing he'd do was stare blankly into the void. Yeah… that was a bit less irritating…but a million times more heartbreaking.

Because of her… He was broken because of her.

-'' I don't know Violet.'' Angelique replied, thoughtfully examining Tate's expression. '' I mean… Electroshock therapy can cause confusion and temporary memory loss. I remember that after my first one I kept messing up my sibling's names and it was taking me a minute or…fifteen to recall past experiences but communicating with the environment was not a problem. Well…I was acting a bit bitchy, but that was mostly due to the constant headache. God, those headaches… At some point I was praying for sweet, sweet coma to come and drown me to nothingness.''

Violet bit her lower lip in embarrassment. How was she supposed to respond to that? Angelique right now seemed to be just fine, but Violet couldn't begin to comprehend what she had to go through until she found a way to cope.

-''But you're okay now…'' She finally said, trying to sound encouraging.

Angelique snorted in fake amusement.

-''Well…yeah, okay…considering the circumstances.''

-''How did you do it?'' Violet asked.

-''It takes time… patience… It takes…'' Angelique frowned for a second. As if she was trying to find the right words for what she was about to say. '' You need to have that one person… The one to become the constant in your life that will drag you back to reality. The one to tell you it's alright if you don't remember what day it is, because it can be whatever fucking day you want it to be…''

Angelique's mouth carved into a smile…a tiny, yet genuine smile.

-''Kai.'' Violet said and Angelique's smile spread wider.

-''Yes. Kai.''

Violet's insides burned with a sense of longing when she heard Angelique say Kai's name. Uttering that one, single word somehow was enough to make her radiate with love and life.

She looked at Tate and wondered if they would ever get to have that.

Well…At this point things didn't look very promising.

-''I want to know what he's thinking.'' She said and drag her hand on the table so that it would almost touch his.

-''No, you don't…'' Angelique muttered under her breath.

-''What?''

-''Nothing. I have to go…'' She said and stood up to leave.

What Tate _was_ thinking was…

''_When the fuck am I waking up?''_

Because this definitely felt like a dream. A very dark, very fucked up dream.

Time wasn't running the way it was supposed to, he had no control over his actions and the surrounding setting was completely surrealistic.

He knew he was in a psychiatric institution…he had gathered as much. But how he had ended up there, he had no clue whatsoever and that only reinforced his idea that all these was a nightmare.

And there was also this girl. This sad, beautiful, always looking at him expectantly girl. He was calling her stalker girl because she kept following him everywhere. Of course, if he had to be completely honest it felt good having her around, but it was a bit unsettling that the girl acted like they were…something and he couldn't even tell if she was real.

Despite all that, every night when they took him back to his cell, he found that he didn't miss his freedom as much as he missed her. He sometimes wanted to tell her but nowadays he was having trouble translating his thoughts into coherent phrases.

-''No need. She kind of already knows, you dumbass.'' Tate heard a soft, familiar voice say. His eyes widened in surprise when he looked up to see his sister standing right by his side.

He felt his heart melt at the sight of her loving, brown eyes. She and he had been through some soul breaking shit, but it always took one affectionate look from her to bring him peace. They were each other's anchors… though he wasn't a very good one.

-''Are you…here?'' He asked hesitantly.

She placed her hand on top of his and grinned.

-''I don't know, Tate. Am I?''

-''I want you to be.''

His sister gave him a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. She stayed silent for a while, looking around the common room. Tate was afraid that the sight of dozens of out of their minds patients would be depressing for her. He could already see her eyes filling with sadness. Empathy was one of his sister's main and most beautiful traits; how she could make someone else's pain her own.

-''The garden…'' She said, pointing towards the window. ''…looks like our garden back home.''

-''Yeah… I think…it's my garden…At least that's what she says all the time…'' He replied, turning to look at ''stalker girl'' who was looking at him in bewilderment.

-''Let's go see it!'' His sister proposed enthusiastically. She took him by the hand and lifted him from the chair. Tate felt ''stalker girl'' trying to hold him back, he could hear her calling his name with concern, but he really didn't care. He had no doubt the girl would follow him anyway.

-''There are no flowers.'' His sister pointed out when they got to the garden.

-''Yeah…There aren't…'' Tate started to say confused, but then a memory hit him. ''Oh…I … I think I tried to grow some…Chrysanthemums….because they are your favorites. But they didn't make it.''

-''It's okay. You're still a good brother.'' She said with her smile still on but with her voice slightly trembling.

-''Don't leave me Addy…Not again…'' Tate said suddenly. Like if he was coming to a realization.

-'' You remember now?''

-''Almost… But I don't want to.''

-''It will be fine. You will be fine.''

-''I will be alone, Addy. Alone!'' He cried and tried to reach her, but she took one step behind.

-''I can't stay. You know why. You know I'm not…''

-''I don't care! Please….Don't leave me.'' Tate shut his eyelids, refusing to watch his sister disappear.

-''You won't be alone.''

Tate felt someone grabbing him from the wrists.

-''Don't leave me.'' He kept repeating; constantly… almost like a prayer.

-''Open your eyes, Tate. You are not alone.'' He heard his sister plead.

He wasn't going to open them. He would do anything not to let Addy go ever again. But there were images now flooding his mind…Of fire, of doors slamming and people screaming… of innocent eyes looking at him in desperation… And he couldn't take it anymore. It was all too much, too quickly.

So he opened his eyes.

Addy was no longer there. It was the girl that was standing right in front of him, holding him by the wrists. She looked panicked…terrified…and yet she wouldn't let go.

-''It's alright, Tate. I'm not leaving you. I'm not.'' She said, trying to sound as soothing as possible and then moved forward to hug him.

For a moment he did nothing. He just stood still, hidden in her arms. But then he slowly started taking in the familiarity of her scent, of her warmth, of the softness of her skin.

She _was_ real. And she was his.

-''Violet.'' He whispered in her ear as he threw his arms around her. He felt her gasp with relief and she tightened her grip around him.

From a window above Mary Eunice's eyes were watching them wide with rage. The fabric of the curtain was starting to tear apart at the place where she was clutching it with her nails.

-''Told you so.'' Moira said from behind her back. ''It messes up even the most well thought plans…Love that is.''

* * *

Scene 2 (Common room, 5:30 p.m.)

Ben wasn't supposed to be there. This was supposed to be a private time between the patients and their families. But during their session Hayden had mentioned that her husband would visit and Ben couldn't fight the urge to be around for that.

_To make sure she's okay. _He told himself. What the truth really was, he had no fucking idea.

Hayden and her husband were sitting on the couch at the far corner of the room. They were sitting side by side and yet they seemed to be miles apart. It was as if they didn't know how to act around each other anymore.

The young man was doing most of the talking and Hayden was looking at the opposite direction, obviously trying to block away everything he was saying. She only looked at him when he reached out to hold her hand. She let him but very reluctantly.

Ben was starting to feel irritated. Couldn't the boy see that he was making her feel uneasily? Hayden was no longer the same girl that guy was once married to. He couldn't understand her. Not like he did. And that kind of pleased Ben. He knew it was completely unprofessional, but he couldn't help but take comfort by the fact that he was the one…the _only _one…that Hayden trusted enough to let in. He was the only one that could make her talk about the stuff that hurt her and the only one that could get her through them. She needed himand he needed someone to protect… someone to make him feel in control…like he knows what he's doing.

-''Let me go.'' He heard Hayden cry and he saw her pull away from her husband. She was about to burst into tears. Ben tried to hold back. He wasn't supposed to interfere. He had to let her deal with this confrontation all by herself. But then her eyes locked on his and they were practically screaming for help. He didn't have the heart to let her down so without a second thought he walked up to the couple.

-''What?'' The young man asked, looking up at Ben.

-''Hello, Mr. McClain. I'm Doctor Harmon.''

-''Yeah…So?'' The guy asked in a manner that made Ben tighten his fists and glue them to his sides.

He took a deep breath and he put on his professional smile.

-''Hayden is in a very fragile state right now Mr. McClain. It would be better not to upset her for the sake of her recovery. Do you understand?''

-'' Are you asking me to leave?''

-''Your presence here is not helping Hayden. It won't do any good to test her limits. Maybe next time she'll feel more ready.''

They guy was staring at him as if Ben had grown a second head. Ben didn't need that look to know he's being ridiculous but at this point he really couldn't bring himself to care.

-''I have every right to visit my wife.'' The husband said and tried to put his hand on Hayden's shoulder but she moved to sit at the far end of the couch, hiding her face in the cushions beside the arm. ''Hayden…please…'' He begged with a broken voice. And then he turned to look at Ben again. ''I… I just want my wife back, Doctor. I miss her. She's my life''

Ben lowered his eyes, trying to hide the sudden feeling of guilt that took over him.

-'' She needs time. Be patient and she'll reach out for you. When she's ready.''

The man nodded in understanding. ''I hope that's soon. I'm kind of lost without you, babe. Please try hard…for me…for us.'' He told Hayden and then stood up to leave.

The moment the man disappeared Ben went to sit right by Hayden's side.

-'' I'm not supposed to do that Hayden. Overseeing the patients' meetings with their families is not my job.''

Hayden lifted her head from the cushions and turned to look at him, her eyes wet with tears.

-''Then why did you do it?''

-''Because…'' Ben began to say hesitantly, but then he let out a sigh of defeat. ''Because you're not just any patient…to me.''

He didn't even have the time to regret his confession as Hayden threw her arms around his neck…and it felt good.

* * *

Scene 3 (Sister Mary Eunice's office, 7:30 p.m.)

-''So you don't follow your little boyfriend down to his cell anymore? I'm shocked.'' Mary Eunice said when she walked into her office to find Violet waiting for her. ''I thought you were inseparable.''

-''We are. He is not on his own anymore so stop messing with him.'' Violet told very calmly… at least on the outside.

-''Oh, when did I ever?'' The sister replied, almost as if she was hurt by the accusation.

-''How could you do this to him? He did nothing wrong. It was all me… I planned to visit him in his cell. He didn't know…''

-''Well…then I guess it was _you_ that did it to him. Stay out of my way and no one will get hurt again.''

-''Somehow I find that hard to believe.''

-''Congratulations. You're a good judge of character.'' She put on a mocking smile and went to sit behind her desk. ''Anything else?''

-''You made a mistake.''

-''Excuse me?''

-''Bringing us here was a mistake. I won't let you harm any more people. I'm putting an end to this.''

-''First of all…Ha ha ha…'' The Sister said dryly. ''And second of all…Why would you think I brought you here?''

-''You didn't?'' Violet asked in disbelief.

-'' Why would I? Did I look around one day and thought -_what's missing? What's missing? Oh! I know! A moron and his nosy, little brat.- _Be serious, Violet.''

Violet's chest tightened in the realization that them being here wasn't part of the Sister's grand scheme of plans. Somehow it didn't make her feel relieved.

How had they ended up here if not because of her?

* * *

**To be continued**

-**Did you hear the news for AHS season 3? It will be called ''The coven''! I am so on board and I'm so glad that Kathy Bates has joined the cast. She will make a wonderful rival for Jessica. Of course, I am a lot more interested in what kind of couple Evan and Taissa are going to portray **

**-Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I skipped on Radiology to manage to finally upload it. I'm sure my future patients would be delighted if they knew…poor fellows. Hahahaha!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of the characters.**


	7. Chapter 7

**We'll find strength in pain.**

Chapter 7

Scene 1

Relief. No, no… Relief was not a good enough word to convey the intensity of the feelings that overwhelmed Violet the moment that Tate came back to her. The sound of his voice calling her name…the way his eyes were finally acknowledging who she was to him; they were all it took for Violet to get to a state of serenity she hadn't experienced for so long. They weren't enough to take away the guilt of course, but that was okay. She didn't want it to go away. The guilt had to root within her to remind her of what she almost lost… and because of whom.

Day by day Tate was becoming more like his old self and Violet was with him every step of the way. It was good. Violet had felt drawn to Tate by a force illogical and uncontrollable without knowing the first thing about him, but now she also got to take a glimpse of who he was. She took all her time studying his expressions; her least favorite was the one he wore when he seemed to be remembering the past, the one she loved the most was the one he had on when he was staring at her thinking she wouldn't notice. No one had looked at her that way before. Like he didn't want to risk looking away in case a second was all it took for her to disappear.

Tate was trying not to be very revealing of his life before the Asylum, but he shared things with Violet. Little things like the first time he had tried marijuana or how he had managed to steal a vinyl disk of the ''Shadows'' from a record store during a family trip in New York. He didn't know any of the tracks, only ''Sleep Walk'', but he had felt like doing it. He also told her of his disaster of a first a date during high school. He had taken the girl to a drive in theater for an Orson Welles movie marathon. She fell asleep during the first half hour of ''Citizen Kane'' and he didn't even bother waking her up until he had driven her back home.

Every time he remembered something…a harmless, pleasant or even embarrassing memory…he told Violet. There was a chance he would forget again and it was nice…comforting to know there would be someone to help him put the pieces back together. And Violet was happy to be that someone. Sometimes she felt sort of sad that she and Tate didn't get to create any of those memories together but they were together now and she would make the most out of it. Whenever Tate needed to talk she was there… every time he suggested they did something, the answer was always yes.

Of course, Violet wished Tate's suggestions were more of the touching shamelessly in dark corners kind of type and not the type that required her wearing ten year old dungarees covered in mud and trying to uproot annoying weeds. Because that is exactly what she was doing right now.

-'' So… what are we trying to grow here?'' Violet asked, looking down at the brown- yellow seeds in the container.

-''Chrysanthemums.'' Tate replied, ripping an ugly chicory from the ground and throwing it away like its very existence was an insult to his aesthetics.

-''Oh…'' Violet whispered as if she was just realizing something.

-''Well…If that isn't the definition of an enthusiastic response…'' He didn't turn to look at her but she could see him smirking.

Violet focused on the sight of her fingers sinking in the moist soil and took some time to think how to raise the subject of that girl.'' _Addy was her name_?'' She didn't know if they were supposed…if she was allowed…to talk about what had happened the other day. She had avoided doing so because whatever that was, obviously involved the part of Tate's past that he had desperately tried to keep away from Violet.

But now she understood that she at least wanted to give it a try. If Tate wasn't up for it that would be okay…for the time being.

-''They were her favorites.'' She finally said.

-''Whose? Whose favorites?'' Tate turned to look at her, eyes narrowed in confusion. But the defensive tone of his voice suggested that he wasn't as confused as he tried to seem.

-''Addy's. Chrysanthemums were her favorites, right?'' They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Tate opened his mouth to say something but only a grunt came out and then he proceeded to frantically rub his eyes with the heels of his hands.

-''How…When did I…?

-''You were calling her name… Right before you came to, you kept calling her name. Who is she?''

For a moment Tate thought of saying she was no one, that he was delirious back then and he had no idea what he was talking about…but he couldn't. He could not deny Addy's existence and then feel okay with himself.

-''I don't…I can't talk about her.'' He said instead.

-''Do you… love her?'' Violet asked and she kind of wanted to slap herself for turning this into a jealousy thing but she couldn't help it. Not one day had passed that she hadn't thought who that girl might be and what role she played in Tate's life.

-''Yeah…I do.''

-''And why…why isn't she here? I mean… she hasn't visited…'' Violet said, trying to ignore the irritating, pinching feeling in her chest.

-'' Violet, why do we have to do this? I told you I don't want to talk about Addy.''

-''Because it hurts?''

-''Yes… And because…I don't want you to feel…I don't want to scare you.''

-''Fuck you.''

-''Wha…''

-''I said . Okay? '' Violet reached to cup Tate's face and turned his head with force so that he would look straight at her. '' You went fucking catatonic on me Tate and yet I stuck with you. I think we've long passed the point where you can scare me away. This is the point where you trust me…where you trust that I want to help…that I can take it.''

Violet's tone was full with anger and hurt, but deep inside her heart was breaking for at that moment Tate looked more fragile…more vulnerable than anyone she'd ever seen. Her insides were screaming for her to drop the conversation and do something to calm Tate down, but she couldn't stop now. There was a chance they were getting somewhere.

-''She is my sister… Was… Is… She's dead.''

Violet's grip on his jaw loosened and moved her hand down to rest it on the side of his neck.

-''How?'' She simply asked.

-'' She…got hit by a speeding car. It…it was my fault.'' He said and sighed with what sounded like relief. Like he had kept thinking about it all this time and the moment he finally managed to say it out loud a weight was lifted of his shoulders. Violet didn't tell him he was wrong. She thought he was, but she also thought that it wasn't what he needed to hear at that moment.

-''Tell me…'' She said softly while rubbing her thumb right above his collarbone, hoping he would find it soothing.

-''I didn't notice…We were so close. We knew each other like the back of our hands… And yet when it mattered the most…when she was in pain… I didn't notice…''

-''I don't understand…''

-''It was never easy with our mother. You know how mothers are supposed to love their kids unconditionally? No matter how they look…what they are… Our mother was never like that. One moment she would love us and the next she would treat us like hurdles that made her life inconvenient.''

-'' Well… Some people are not meant to become parents and then it happens…and they don't really know what to do…'' _Like my father…_Violet thought.

Tate nodded in agreement.

-''In the beginning I got angry. Every time she acted like we didn't exist. Every time she chose her stupid social life over us. Every time she convinced Addy that she was not good enough to be her daughter. But then I got used to it…_We_ got used to it. We didn't care… We had each other and that was enough…''

-'' But something happened…''

-''_Him_. He happened. He was a married man, Violet, and yet she took him into our home. It felt suffocating to even be around them… I was trying to stay away as much as possible. That's why I didn't notice…''

-''What?'' Violet asked without being entirely sure if she could handle the answer.

-'' One night…he wasn't there…he was away for work… Addy broke down and told our mother everything. How…how sometimes he would go into her room and…''

Tate took a sharp intake of breath.

-''You don't need to say it… You don't.''

Tate's lips tightened and Violet could see that it wasn't only pain he was trying to hold in, but also rage.

-''Mother didn't believe her. As…as if Addy would lie… As if Addy wasn't the most honest… least corrupted thing this filthy woman could ever hope to produce. She fucking knew Addy was telling the truth, she just chose to believe what was convenient for her. Her daughter was crying for help…for her own mother to believe her and all she did was try to punish her. She wanted to lock her up…again…inside the mirror room. Like I would let that happen ever again…She did not have that power on us anymore.''

-'' So…you helped her run.'' Violet concluded, while her mind was still trying to process what the hell could be a mirror room.

-''I helped her run… It…happened right outside our house. In a matter of seconds. '' Tate's eyes went completely blank for a second like if he was picturing the moment. Violet tightened her grip around his neck to get him out of it.

-''And that's why you… did what you did…''

-''You know?''

-''I know.''

-''Yes… that's why I did it. And if they…if I ever get the chance again…I'll do the same.''

-''Tate, no…''

-'' Violet, she still comes here every other weekend and tells me she forgives me. They still live together. I'll be damned if I get the chance to watch them suffer under my hand and I don't do it.''

-''Come here.'' She said, tugging him by the collar of his shirt. She didn't need to say it twice. His face was pressed inside the crook of her neck before she could even manage a gasp. She put one hand on his back and with other she stroked his hair…again and again… until she felt some of the tension go away.

Suddenly, Violet remembered a question Mary Eunice had asked her a while ago.

''_What would possibly be a good reason for you to set your parents on fire?''_

Back then the answer was ''none''… But now Violet thought she might had done the same if she were in Tate's position. She wasn't sure if she would have found the courage or if she would have run away. But she knew for certain that she would dream about it at sleep and she would think about it with every single breath. She most certainly wouldn't forgive.

* * *

Scene 2 (Soundtrack: Perfect Blue-Virtual Mima)

-''Arthur. Come. Sit.'' Mary Eunice said the moment the Doctor shut the door of her office behind him. He did as he was told.

-''Well, what is it then? What's wrong?'' He asked after a minute of complete silence. Mary had called for him to come to the office immediately and now she was just sitting at the other side of her desk just staring.

-''Oh… Aren't we waiting for Moira? I thought the day she would leave you willingly alone in a room with me would be the day that hell freezes over. Should I start checking on friends and acquaintances?'' She placed her hand on the chest in mocking worry.

-''What's with the sudden interest for Moira? Are you…jealous?'' The Doctor's brow frowned in bewilderment.

At first Mary Eunice was taken aback by the question, but then she just chuckled.

-'' You know very well Arthur that if I wanted to have you Moira wouldn't get a say in the matter… ''

-''That's true.'' If Mary Eunice wanted to have him Moira didn't stand a chance. And not just because of the Sister's dark nature, but also because the way he felt for the loyal nurse couldn't even compare to what he felt for Mary. Need, want, affection, the urge to protect…love.

-'' You also know that I can't feel jealousy. In the same way that I can't feel love.''

-''That's not true.''

-''It's not?''

-'' You can feel it… you just can't understand it. Probably because you haven't had it before. No one loved you…no one appreciated you. Not the way I do.''

The Doctor noticed the Sister's expression changing in what he could categorize as pity. If it was for him or for her, he really couldn't tell.

-''Anyway… ''The Sister started. ''…the reason I called for you is because I'm starting to get the feeling that we'll have after all to do something about the girl.''

-''Did she find out something?'' The Doctor asked calmly.

-''No. Not yet. But she'll start looking. And I will find other ways to keep her distracted but I think we'll have to go for something more permanent.''

-''Like?''

-''Hmmm… I don't know. It's been a while since I did something like that…I want to be creative.''

-''Ok… I'll leave you then with your thoughts.''

-''No, wait. There's something else we need to talk about. Violet and I had a little conversation. From what I gathered she's under the impression that I brought them to Briarcliff…that I requested it.''

-''Yeah…and?''

-''Well, I didn't. So who the fuck did?

* * *

Scene 3 (Soundtrack: Perfect Blue- Virtual Mima)

-''Why do we keep meeting here?'' Angelique whined when she entered the little store room right by the men's wing entrance. Kai followed right behind her.

-''I would ask Mary Eunice for the conference room but we've kind of grown apart lately. She doesn't look at me with the same passionate hatred she used to.'' Elva replied dryly.

-''Just saying…Jesus.'' Angelique rolled her eyes and dragged Kai to sit with her on a set of kegs next to the pile of sacks Elva was leaning against.

-''Yesterday Violet came to find me. She was looking for you Angelique. She needed to talk.'' Elva said, cutting immediately to the chase.

-''She actually let the Langdon boy out of her sight? It must have been something serious.''

-'' She figured out it was not Mary Eunice who wanted them in Briarcliff. She's trying to find out who did.''

-''You told her?''

-''No. But I think it's high time we started giving some answers. After all, this is why we brought them here.''

-''It was the doctor who was supposed to start looking, not the girl…''

-''I know, Angelique. I'm not happy about this either but…I think the girl is our best chance. Maybe Dr. Harmon will follow with time.''

-''So now…if she asks…''

-''And it is within our power…'' Elva added.

-''We answer.''

* * *

Scene 4 (Soundtrack: Two Steps from Hell- I love you forever)

Violet was resting her head on Tate's chest. She had mud and dirt in places that made her skin itch, she was beyond exhausted and yet she was never calmer before in her life. The simple feeling of Tate inhaling and exhaling underneath her was enough to send comforting waves through her body. She felt focused. Not optimistic. Just certain that everything was the way it was supposed to be.

It had taken some time for Tate to be in control of his emotions again. When he was, without the slightest suggestion from either one, they wordlessly started working on the planting of the seeds. When they felt content with the result, they passed out on each other, waiting for the ache of their backs to numb.

-'' You think they'll manage to grow this time?'' Violet asked sleepily.

-'' That's why we used three series of flower beds… Most of them won't make it, I'm sure… But maybe some… Maybe a handful will.''

-''But…it's not even February. The grounds were frozen only two weeks ago.''

-''It doesn't matter…It could be April and I would still be counting on a miracle. It had to be now… Now that you're still here. Now that we could do it together.''

-''I'm not going anywhere.'' Violet said. She tried to sound assuring but deep down she knew that forever was not a strong possibility for them.

But couldn't they pretend? For just a little while?

Tate didn't answer. He just reached for her hand and started placing kisses on her knuckles.

Yes, they could.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-Man, I swore to myself…One day I will write fluff for this fandom. I have no idea how I will make it happen, I don't care if it turns out ridiculous, at some point I need some kind of angst detoxification! I'm just so jealous of other fandoms…ours is breathing and bleeding angst. **

**- Anyway…Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of its characters.**


	8. Chapter 8

**We'll find strength in pain.**

Chapter 8

Scene 1

-'' Violet? Is everything alright?'' Tate asked, more confused than worried. It was certainly uncommon for Violet to join him for breakfast in the dining room but when he saw her entering she looked neither shaken nor upset.

-'' Yeah, everything's fine.'' She gave him a little smile and took a bite of the toasted bread she had stolen from his tray. '' Can I sit?''

He frowned theatrically, pretending to be considering it.

-'' I would prefer not. I need to be alone with my thoughts.'' He grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to sit by his side. '' But if you insist…''

-'' Just bear with me, asshole.'' Violet replied laughing and she proceeded to kiss him hard on the lips. She loved how his eyes would go wide every time; both with surprise and elation…she guessed.

They ate in silence for a while, enjoying the normalcy of the concept; waking up and taking breakfast together. Never mind the hundred inmates sitting around them.

-''So…'' She said a few minutes later a bit hesitantly.

-''Just say it, Violet.''

-'' You seem to be doing a lot better.''

-'' I…am. Thank you?'' Tate made a motion with his hand for Violet to get to the point.

-'' Since you are doing so well… I kind of thought that…well… you wouldn't mind if I left the facility for a few hours… Would you?''

-''For a few hours? Where?''

-''The town. It's the first of the month. Some of the nuns will drive there for grocery replenishment. And…I want to go.''

-'' . I mean…I can handle a few hours alone if that's what worries you…'' _And maybe I have to start preparing myself for when… _'' But…I think that there's more you need to tell me.''

-'' The reason I want to go is to visit the town's library. I want to see if there's anything… weird I can find for Briarcliff.''

Tate suddenly found it very difficult to breath.

-''Why?''

-''What do you mean why? Because it is ran by a crazy nun that's trying to make our lives a living hell? Because I can feel that there's something going on and no one's doing anything about it? Take your pick.''

-'' Violet, please…no.'' He grabbed her by the arm as if he was trying to pull her away from traffic.

Violet narrowed her eyes in confusion.

-''I don't understand, Tate. Are you okay with everything that's going on around here? People are in the mercy of a deranged woman, Tate. People who cannot defend themselves properly. She almost crippled you and I can only imagine to how many others she might have done something similar.''

-''It's not safe, Violet. If she finds out… You'll get hurt. Just…if you just let her be…''

-''No! How can you suggest that? You think that I can just stand back and watch her fuck with your mind?''

-''This is not about me…''

-''Yes, it is! I'm not that selfless. I don't know…don't think… that if it weren't for you I would do the same. But…now I have to. I have to give you a chance to get better. I have to give _us _a chance. Don't you see?''

Tate felt his stomach drop, listening the honesty and the desperation in Violet's voice.

-''Violet… you have already done so much. But… don't forget why I'm in here… Even if I do get better… I'm not getting out, Violet. Certainly not for a very long time. Maybe…at some point we need to accept…''

-''Don't…'' She lightly placed her fingers on his lips to stop him from voicing what they both knew. ''I'm not deluded. I don't live in a fantasy. I know. But I can't let this go without a fight. Don't ask me to.''

She stood up to leave.

Tate let her go unable to find the words to convince her to stay. He understood Violet. The lengths to which he would go to give them the slightest chance to be together surpassed human logic. He could hurt, kill, break laws…he would give anything. But he could not let Violet risk getting harmed. He had hoped that Violet would have let it go. That she would see that Mary Eunice is not the kind of woman you want to make enemies with and then Mary Eunice would let them be. Just for a while. Until Violet could get out of Briarcliff safe and sound.

But no… His girl… his beautifully brave, unbelievably unaware of how foul this world was, girl… had decided otherwise.

And now they were all screwed.

* * *

Scene 2 (Soundtrack: Sleepy Hollow- The Story…)

The town's library wasn't anything special but it was definitely an improvement when compared to the seemingly abandoned little room in Briarcliff that held nothing but New Testaments and saints' biographies. Violet had once tried and failed to even find an English dictionary in there.

Violet loved libraries so it kind of made her feel warm inside taking in once again the smell of old paper and wood, even though her reason for being there was not exactly for pleasure. The library's archive didn't go long back, just a couple dozen years, but she managed to find three articles concerning the Asylum.

The first one was announcing the arrival of Dr. Arthur Arden at Briarcliff. It was just a small piece in honor of the doctor who despite having worked in famous hospitals around Europe had now decided to offer his services to the suffering patients of a psychiatric facility. There was also a photo capturing the moment when the previous director was welcoming Arden and Moira outside the gates of Briarcliff. The photo was about ten years old so the doctor looked a little bit younger while Moira looked as stunning as ever; young, elegant and gloating with pride for standing by the doctor's side. The only difference was that her eye patch was missing. Both of her beautiful, deep green eyes were intact and daring the world to stand in her way.

Violet could only see one side of the ex-director's face and the picture was not of the best quality but she couldn't help but feel that she'd seen the woman before. When she read the second article she realized that would be improbable since it mentioned the death of fifteen inmates and along them the director's, Judy Martin. The reason was said to be tuberculosis and the bodies were incinerated to prevent the disease from spreading. That was about three years after the arrival of the doctor to Briarcliff.

The last article was the longest and it was the main story of that day's paper. Doctor Oliver Thredson, the asylum's psychiatrist, had been arrested for torturing and murdering at least six women. His unthinkable activities had come to the light when his latest captive, a journalist named Lana Winters, had managed to escape from the basement where she was held and report him to the police.

The date on that paper was September 21st, 1963; about three months before Violet and her father had arrived to Briarcliff.

* * *

Scene 3 (Soundtrack: Ennio Morricone- The Thing {theme})

-'' All alone, lover boy?'' Moira's voice came somewhere back from Tate.

-'' I would ask you the same but let's face it… Doc has a thing for blondes. Should I be worrying?'' Tate replied sarcastically without even bothering to take his eyes off his book and turn to look at the nurse. Violet had given him a copy of Jane Eyre and only during these hours, when most of the patients went for lunch, was the common room quiet enough for him to get to reading it.

-''Aren't you a funny guy?'' Moira said dryly. She ran her fingers through his hair and then suddenly pulled some and caused him to tilt his head back.

Tate's face winced at the pain. ''What do you want, Moira?''

-''It's time for your medicine.'' She said through her teeth and released his hair forcefully.

-''I've already taken my meds.'' Tate answered and the defying look in his eyes disappeared. Anxiety was now painted all over his face.

-'' But the doctor ordered that you take these as well.'' Moira smirked and opened her hand to reveal two blue pills. ''I see you already have water. Good.''

-''Dr. Harmon said I should take these?'' He asked, though already knowing the answer.

-'' No, Dr. Arden.''

-''I don't need them. I'm fine.''

-'' Not according to the doctor.'' Her smile became even wider.

-'' Why are you doing this?''

-''Just take them.''

-''No!'' Tate cried and stood up abruptly, causing his chair to fall down.

Moira let out an exasperated sigh and motioned with hand for the two male nurses standing by the entrance to come over. Tate tried to run, but one of the nurses pushed him back and the other one grabbed his arms and held them behind his back.

Angelique was passing right at that moment in front of the wide open doors of the common room and gasped audibly at the sight of that scene.

-''Let him go you bastards!'' She cried and ran towards Tate who was straggling to free himself. The tall, bold nurse stopped her before she could get to him. He grabbed her by the waist and started pulling her back.

-''You owe them nothing you idiot!'' Angelique yelled at Moira. ''You are one of us! What the fuck is going on through your sick, dependent mind?''

Moira walked to stand inches away from her. Everyone jumped in surprise at the sound of the slap she gave her.

-''I'm nothing like you. And I don't expect you to understand what's going through my mind but I'll have you know…I owe him _everything._''

Then she moved to Tate, grabbed his jaw with her hand and forced his lips to open. She shoved the pills down his throat; her wrist almost disappeared in his mouth. Tate was still coughing when she forced him to drink the water.

When the nurse let him go he fell on the floor, fighting to catch a breath. Angelique kneeled by his side and placed his head on her lap. She wiped the water which was spilling from his mouth and whispered to him soothing words. When he was calm enough and when they were finally alone, she helped him back on his feet.

-'' I know you're afraid and I'm sorry it had to be her… But Violet is doing the right thing, Tate. Help her… Don't try to stop her.''

-'' What I'm most afraid of is that soon I'm not going to be able to do even that. And then she will be alone…Please…don't let her be alone.''

* * *

Scene 4 (Soundtrack: The Sleepy Hollow- The Tree of Death)

Dr. Arden's operation room was echoing with Mary Eunice's muffled screams. She was now lying with her stomach pressed on the hard, cold table in the middle of the room. She was almost naked from the waist and above. Her back was completely exposed and covered with ugly sores and patches of dried skin. Dr. Arden was trying to clean them up as painlessly as possible, but he was obviously failing. He hated that process. He hated the feeling of his love suffering under his hands. He hated knowing how vulnerable she could become and he wished no one else would ever find out.

-'' This body is failing me.'' She said, almost crying.

-''I know Mary. I know.'' He rubbed her encouragingly on the back of her neck and then went back to his work. Her body was magnificent to his eyes, even in this state.

-'' Do something.''

-''I'm doing everything I can. For you. Everything I do is for you.''

-''Maybe now. Not in the beginning. But I helped you anyway.''

-'' It's going to be okay. Don't be frightened.''

-''I'm not.''

But she was, Arthur thought. She was frightened and it was killing him inside not being able to help her. If only _he_ could take all the pain… For her, he would.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-So…I know that for most of you Easter has passed and gone, but for us it is right now. Like right now…I'm finishing this chapter right before I go to church. So in case some of my followers are celebrating Easter at this time of year… Happy Easter! ****Χριστός Ανέστη!**

**- ****Ι**** really hoped you liked the chapter. I hope it wasn't very confusing, but if you have any questions I'll be glad to answer them. Unless they are spoilers.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of its characters.**


	9. Chapter 9

**We'll find strength pain****.**

Chapter 9

Scene 1

Ben had never been under the illusion that he was a decent guy. Not even close. He was a self absorbed, incapable of communicating his feelings, way too judgmental asshole. Not to mention hated by his own daughter. You'd think that would somehow affect his work as a psychiatrist but no… Ben was not a good guy, but he was a pretty damn good doctor. For that he was certain…or…used to be certain. Lately there were times he caught himself questioning that too. Mostly at times like this when Hayden would take the sit in front of his and she would smile at him knowingly. Because she could tell… He was fighting hard not to acknowledge what was going on between them and she was just waiting patiently…for him to break.

What was wrong with him? Hayden was his patient. A broken woman. Lost and vulnerable. That should be enough to make him keep his distance and yet somehow it only managed to push him closer and closer to her. He liked that she needed him and that she trusted him completely. He reveled in the idea that he was the only one that could affect her in that way. It gave him a sense of control that he rather missed in the other aspects of his life.

It didn't really help that Ben also felt lonely. Not that he was under the illusion that Hayden could ever replace Vivien. His late wife was the most unique, most beautiful in all its simplicity human being he had ever met. But like Vivien, Hayden had a caring and tender nature; a trait that Ben lacked and yearned for by the people beside him…so that he could feel balanced.

So yeah… Hayden probably was exactly what he needed right now. But he definitely wasn't what she needed. What she needed was to stop being afraid…to feel comfortable around people again…to reach out to her family…she needed to…

-''Stop that.'' Hayden said, huffing exasperatedly and putting a sudden stop to his auto evaluation.

-''Stop what?'' Ben asked, frowning in confusion.

-''Looking at me like that… Like…I don't know…like I'm Bambi and you just killed my mother. Like you're alone in this situation and I have no control over what's going on…over what I feel.''

-''I'm not trying to degrade what you feel, Hayden…''

-''No, no, no…You're turning this into a psychoanalysis again.''

-''I'm just saying…''

-''Nothing. You're saying nothing until you're ready to talk about this for what it really is. One more talk about my feelings and my fragile emotional state and…''

-''And?''

-''And I'm telling my husband to transfer me to another institution.''

_No_… Ben thought as his heart skipped a beat. _No…_ And his expression must have been screaming it, because Hayden's lips broke into a pleased smile.

-''So…'' Ben cleared his throat. ''Shall we resume?''

-''Of course, _Dr. Harmon.'' _ Hayden replied sarcastically.

-''You were telling me about your problem to connect with any other patients here in Briarcliff.''

-''Yeah… it was pretty lonely around here before you came.''

-'' Did you try approaching anyone of your inmates?''

-''No. I… Well…I couldn't see how I could fit with any of them. I kind of saw myself as the only logical person in a place full of lunatics. And I always expected that Dean…my husband… would break soon and he'd get me out of here.''

-''But now you've been here long enough…''

-''Long enough to know better. Yes. I should have probably given them a chance. I should have shown some faith that there would be at least one person that would understand. Sometimes it takes only one person to reach out to you and…it makes all the difference in the world. Right now… there's probably someone who feels as lost and as lonely as I felt… all because I didn't give them a chance.''

-''Hayden, there's no point in making yourself feel guilty.''

-''It's not guilt…It's regret. Things could have been so much better. I could have had a family in here.''

-'' Hayden…this is something that's been obviously troubling you a lot. Why didn't you talk to me about it sooner?''

Ben was starting to get nervous. Why was Hayden all of a sudden so regretful of not having any friends in the asylum? It was obviously a sign of progress, but he couldn't help but wonder… Was he not enough anymore?

-''I've only been thinking about it as of lately…''

-'' Something happened…Someone…'' Ben said, trying to keep a nonchalant expression.

-''Something like that…It's just… When I first came here, it was almost at the same time as a boy…''

-''His name?'' He asked. Hayden was for some reason very hesitant to tell this story and that was nerve breaking.

-''Tate. Langdon, I think? ''

Ben didn't fail to notice Hayden's pause after saying Tate's name. She was waiting to see his reaction. Suddenly, this story was taking another turn of what he expected.

-''Go on.'' He said.

-''He was always alone too. He never even accepted any visitors. Most of the time he was very quiet…except for some falling outs with the nurses and the previous psychiatrist. Anyway… He used to look at me sometimes… As if he was thinking of coming to talk to me. And then one day, after one of Dean's visits, I was a crying mess and he approached me. He asked if I needed someone to talk to… he said he knew how it was to lose someone you love deeply… I said nothing. I had heard what he had done and I …I felt we had nothing in common. He kept being around…tried to talk to me a couple more times…but after a while he gave up.''

-''Did he make friends with someone else after that?''

-''No. He was always on his own. But recently… that changed.''

-''How?''

-''He befriended a girl… Another inmate, I mean. And it was so strange to watch them. I mean… The boy was at its worst. I don't know what happened…He was just not himself. And yet the girl seemed determined to stick by his side. And I'm not sure she even knew him that well. But she…I don't know…she was willing to give him a chance. And now he's better…and they're kind of…well, not happy… They're just good together.''

-''You've confused me a bit, Hayden. What are you saying? Do you feel jealous of the girl?''

-''No, no… I just… As I said, I regret not being a bit braver. I should have given a chance…not just to Tate…but to other people too. It could have been helpful for me and them too. And…yeah…maybe I am a little bit jealous. Not of the girl…but of what those two have.''

-''Tate and the inmate?''

-''Yeah…''

-''And by inmate you mean my daughter, Violet?''

-''You…know?'' Hayden pressed her lips together nervously.

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed.

-''Of course, Hayden. My parenting skills may be questionable, but it would take brain paralysis to fail to notice that my daughter was getting close to one of my patients.''

-''And you're okay with that?''

-''Well, I'm not enthusiastic about the idea. To tell you the truth, at first I thought it was Violet's way to revolt…to antagonize me. But as you said, Langdon went through a rough phase. She stuck by his side and she got him through it when he wouldn't even make eye contact during our sessions. It might not be the best of choices, but it's a conscious and mature choice which I have to respect.''

-''You're proud of her.'' Hayden concluded. There was a glow of pleasure in her eyes and Ben cursed the path his life had taken. When had she started analyzing him, instead of the opposite?

-''I'm…'' Ben swallowed thickly. ''I can't be…_She_ doesn't want me to be there for her. Someone has to.''

* * *

Scene 2

-''Do you feel any better?'' Angelique asked. Tate was still using her shoulder to support himself. She had offered to take him to the recovery room, but he had told her he would prefer it if they took a walk. They had been walking the back yard in silence for about twenty minutes. Tate would throw her a strange look once in a while, but he would say nothing so she chose to speak first.

-''No.'' Tate replied.

-''Uh…Do you want some water or…I don't know…do you want to sit somewhere and rest?''

-''I was not referring to my physical situation, Irving. I was referring to the fact that everything is steadily going to hell and that has started to make me feel a tad uneasy.''

-''Well, we've made it this far so…relax. Everything will work out…probably…_might_ work out.'' Angelique crossed her arms in a sort of a defensive way and bit her bottom lip.

-''Wow, Irving, stop being so comforting. Will you at least tell me what's going on around here?''

-''And why do you assume I know?'' She asked back as if the assumption alone was preposterous.

-''Eeehm…okay… even if we put aside your little speech about helping Violet do what she has to do…it'd be kind of hard to believe that you and your friends don't know something, _if _not everything, about the shit that are happening in here.''

Tate made them stop walking and Angelique noticed they had stopped right at the edge of the forest. Right then her face of ignorance turned into one of acceptance. She looked Tate right in the eye like if she was challenging him; like saying ''Ok. If you want to have _the talk, _we'll have the talk. But don't expect to like what you hear.''

And Tate continued.

''It's always just the three of you…And it looks like it's been like that for a while. You never interacted with anyone else until the day Violet came into the picture. You seem to not only know Sister Mary Eunice but to also have a personal vendetta with her. You always walk around the facility, scanning every room like if to see if everything is in order and when you're not doing that you get lost in _that_ forest for ridiculous amounts of time…''

''Hey, hey, okay…'' Angelique said, interrupting Tate who was now going a mile a minute. '' I get it. You notice stuff. Were you… stalking us or something?''

-''Hmmm… Yeah, pretty much. Life in an asylum can get kind of boring and I _was_ spending a lot of time back here in the garden…It's not like I could help it.''

-''So you've known something's not right for quite a while now. Why didn't you try to talk to me before?''

-''Because I didn't care before. The whole world could be burning around me and I still wouldn't care. But you had to go and drag Violet into this…''

-''And we are sorry! We are, Tate. Trust me, if we could do this alone…''

-''Why can't you?''

-'' Oh my God, will you stop? This is fucking pointless!'' Angelique rubbed her knuckles on her temples trying to calm herself and then pointed a shaking finger to Tate. ''You have no idea what we've been through. You have no idea what the fuck has been happening here… So stop assuming that we had a choice. We are doing whatever we have to!''

Tate could sense by the way Angelique's voice was trembling that she was one step away from breaking into tears. He was never good at handling situations like this despite how good he was at causing them. He never knew what the right thing to say was. So he just stepped forward and took her into his arms and she didn't even fight him. She just went limp into his arms.

-'' Then tell me…Tell me what happened to you.'' He said. He tried to sound not demanding, but caring.

-''It's not that easy…'' She replied; her voice muffled because her face was pressed on Tate's chest. She could almost feel it when Tate let out a sigh of relief seeing Violet and Kai walking toward their place, but she didn't notice them until Kai placed a hand on her shoulder. As if she could sense that it was him, she just turned and hid herself in his arms instead.

-''Is everything alright?'' Violet asked. And Tate wanted to say yes. He wanted to say that now she was there everything was fine. But it was high time he started accepting what the situation was.

-''No. I'm afraid it's not…'' He said. He gently held the back of her neck and pulled her toward him.

She looked up at him and smiled sadly.

-''Damn it. And I was hoping for chrysanthemums this year.''

* * *

Scene 3 (FLASHBACK)-(Soundtrack: Candyman-Theme Song)

_7 years ago_

Angelique's body was on full alert. Just being near this woman was enough to make her feel as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff. Her heart was beating hard against her ribcage, cold sweat was running down her forehead and she could swear that if she stood up right now her legs wouldn't be able to hold her. When had that happened? When had Mary Eunice's thoughts turned so dark? Angelique could only catch glimpses of them and they had enough death and enough perversion to make her feel sick in her stomach.

''_This is not Mary.''_ She thought. It was not just the chaos in this woman's head that was betraying her nature, but also the emptiness of her eyes. Mary's eyes were always emitting her tenderness and innate need to help, while this woman's were only trying to process emotions as if they were new to her.

Dr. Arden seemed to have noticed the change too. Arden's face which would light up every time that Mary walked into a room was now frowned in confusion. Whenever_ this_ Mary would touch him _accidentally _or smile at him in a flirty way, he would throw her a bewildered look and distance himself a bit from her side. Moira had been one step away of slapping the Sister's head off, if anyone could judge by the way she was digging her nails into her palms, so the doctor send her to the store room to bring gauzes and ethanol.

-'' Are we done?'' Angelique asked impatiently at some point. ''What's even the point of this check up. It's not the beginning of the month.''

Dr. Arden shushes her for a minute while he is listening at her lungs with the stethoscope. When he's done and let's her drag her blouse back down and he finally answers.

-''There's a tuberculosis epidemic. We need to be extra careful.''

Angelique didn't miss the almost hidden, knowing smile on Mary's face nor the lie in Dr. Arden's voice. She tried to search for clues inside his head, but all she could catch was his internal battle to try and keep a neutral expression now that the young Sister kept getting closer and closer to his personal space.

-''You can go. Send the next one in.'' The doctor said and Angelique almost ran out of the room. Her breathing didn't calm down until she found her friends in the common room and went to sit with them.

She sat right next to Kai who immediately picked up on her anxiety and took her hand in his. He didn't say anything, waiting for when she would be ready to talk first. It took her a while to feel safe again. She looked around the table and slowly relaxed when she took in that she was with family again. Her only family in Briarcliff; her only family anywhere really since her parents hadn't visited for months.

Kai was the first to have befriended her when she came to the Asylum and the first to actually believe in her gift. For quite some time it was just the two of them; inseparable, day in and day out. He was there for her when her electroshock sessions left her half a person and she was by his side during every depression episode forcing him to eat, trying to soothe his pain and keeping the nurses from giving him a black eye whenever he was getting too irritating.

Later, the younglings of the company followed; James, Ruth and Laura. They were all around sixteen, so young and frightened in the beginning that Angelique and Kai had to take them under their wing. Ruth and Laura were easiest to adjust. They were both from poor families and had learnt from an early age to cope out on their own. James though had a pretty hard time fitting in. He was from a very wealthy, very well known family. They had sent him to Briarcliff when his mother found him kissing a boy from school in his room. The saddest part for Angelique was that James actually believed that he was sick and he was really trying to get better in order to go back home.

So there they were… Five kids always together, trying to fill the void that the people that were their own blood had left. And they were doing pretty well despite the circumstances. Angelique could finally talk about the things she could see, Kai was looking stronger and healthier every day and the little ones didn't cry themselves to sleep anymore.

If only it could have been like this forever. If only Angelique could have stayed oblivious to the changes going on around the Asylum. But unfortunately she couldn't… Sometimes her gift could be a real bitch.

-'' Something's not right.'' She said at last.

-''What did you see?'' Kai asked and the company shifted in their sits uncomfortably.

-'' Nothing in particular. There's just this feeling… I can't explain it. It feels like danger. The doctor is hiding something and… Mary Eunice is…not Mary Eunice.''

-''That's…not making sense.'' Laura said and Ruth elbowed her in the side.

-''I know…I know. But she's really not. So be careful around her, please.''

-''It's going to be okay.'' Kai said. He wrapped his fingers around her neck trying to comfort her, but this feeling that there was a threat closing in wouldn't go away.

She looked around the room. They had all noticed it when during the last few weeks some of their inmates had disappeared without warning. And Angelique couldn't tell the reason, but she was sure as hell it was not an epidemic.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-So… I wrote this chapter while doing a project for cholera and reading preventive medicine (ewww) so I'm not quite certain if it is completely coherent. Well..If it's not I'll come back and fix it at some point. Right now, I just wanted to upload a chapter for you guys : )**

**-I'm writing angiology in a few hours so wish me luck! I really, really hope that you enjoyed this chapter and if you have exams too I hope it's going well!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of its characters.**


	10. Chapter 10

**We'll find strength in pain.**

Chapter 10

Scene 1

-'' What in the world are they doing?'' Violet asked, throwing her arms up in confusion. For the past twenty minutes or so, they had been waiting …patiently at first…for Angelique to calm down and try giving them a clue about the story behind the Asylum's freakiness. Violet had questions; a ton of them actually. First and foremost, she wanted to know how the facility had ended up being ran by an unstable nun and a lovestruck, mad scientist. Okay… according to the papers, the last director, Judy Martin, had died during the tuberculosis epidemic, but what had qualified a young nun in the training to be her successor? A nun who still seemed eerily young by the way. It was almost as if she and the Asylum would be here forever. Like everything around them could crush and burn and wither with time, but they would withstand everything.

Angelique could answer those questions; Violet was sure. At least those concerning Mary Eunice. She had noticed that Mary and the group had some sort of vendetta…so they _must _know something. But all Angelique was doing now, instead of giving answers, was staring silently into Kai's eyes. Seriously… Kai had sat her against the bark of a tree and all they had been doing till then was look at each other. Sometimes, Kai would wipe a tear running down her cheek or he would press their foreheads together and nod understandingly, but that was all.

-''I think…they are communicating.'' Tate replied, not with the same confusion that had taken over Violet but with some kind of awe.

-'' You can't be serious right now…''

-'' Violet, I think it's high time we accepted that there are things happening around here that we… can't explain. They just…found a way.''

Violet through him a look of bewilderment. Yes… there were things going on in Briarcliff that were _unnatural _but right now Tate was suggesting that the _supernatural_ was playing some part in all these and that was just…ridiculous. Wasn't it?

-''Angelique…eehm… I know this might not be the best of times…and I really hate to interrupt your…whatever you're doing over there…but if there's a chance we could have a conversation…''

-''Violet, now?'' Tate said as if she was being unreasonable.

-'' Well…it will be ''lights out'' time in a couple of hours and you guys will have to go…''

-''_We _don't _have_ to do anything.'' Angelique finally said. She grabbed Kai's shoulders and she let him pull her up. ''Those rules don't apply to us.''

-''Because Mary Eunice says so?'' Violet asked, obviously hinting at the special status the company seemed to have around the Asylum.

Angelique gave her the faintest of smiles.

-''No…Because _she_ can say nothing about it. It's just how it is….how it's been for some time.''

Tate turned to look at Violet waiting for her to ask the question…''_How much time exactly?''_

It was the next logical question. The question _he_ would ask. And yet Violet seemed hesitant to do so. Maybe she didn't want to hear the answer…not now. But she should understand…she should sense what's going on.

-''Was it you that brought my father and I here at Briarcliff?'' She asked instead.

Kai and Angelique nodded a silent yes.

-'' Thredson and the others were a team. They knew each others' secrets and they were protecting each other… When he got arrested it was a big inconvenience for Mary Eunice. The Monsignor had sent some applications along with his suggestions, but Arden thought they should hire a colleague of his….from the old years. Mary of course agreed and they prepared a letter for the church. When Frank was about to leave for the town to send the letter, Kai faked a crisis and was able to replace it with our letter.''

-''You forged Mary Eunice's signature?''

-''Elva did…She had seen it enough times to remember and it was thankfully quite simple.''

-''But why my father? Did you just pick one in random?''

-''No…. He was at the bottom of the Monsignor's list.''

-''Yes…and?''

-''We don't trust the Monsignor.'' Angelique stated as if this was something definite and not to be questioned.

-''So you needed someone you could trust…in here…'' Violet concluded.

-''We needed someone with clarity of mind that wasn't constrained by the limitations that bind us.''

-''You mean…the limitations of being an inmate?''

-''Yes. That among others.''

Violet let out an exasperated sigh. She thought the time for being mysterious had long passed.

-''Okay...What now? I am here. What is it that you need me to do?''

-''Do you want to help?'' Angelique asked and then bit her lower lip worryingly.

-''Oh, of course not. I want innocent people to keep getting hurt. I want the person I… the people I care about to be at the mercy of a bunch of psychos. Angelique…yes. Yes! I want to help.''

Angelique breathed deeply in relief.

-'' You…you need to see something.''

-''Show me.''

-''It's not that simple. She'll see…she'll know.''

-''How? I mean…let's try and be realistic here. If we're very careful…''

-''Violet, have you ever gone in the forest? Have you, Tate?'' Angelique asked as if she was trying to prove a point.

-''No…I guess…I never felt like it.'' Violet replied, not getting what Angelique was trying to say. But when she looked at Tate next to her, he seemed to be coming to a realization.

-''I…I have gone in the forest.'' He said. '' But…just till the clearing where the black roses grow. I could never go further…It just felt…''

-''Dangerous?'' Angelique offered.

-''Wrong.'' Tate said instead.

-''It's because of her. It wasn't like that in the beginning…but now she and the Asylum are one. They're feeding each other's darkness, becoming stronger year after year. Our thoughts are no longer our own… I keep trying to keep her out…but it's getting harder. It's getting…it's getting…''

Angelique made a chocked sound and covered her mouth with both her hands. Her eyes widened and she started breathing hard. When she uncovered her mouth to grab hold of Kai for support, there was black blood streaming down the corner of her mouth.

-''You…Tate you…have to find a way…to…to…take her eyes off us…but I must not know how…I must not…''

Tate nodded in understanding, but Violet was just watching in shock.

-''What's happening to you?'' She managed to ask.

-''She…is trying to see…'' Angelique replied. She kept wiping off the blood and it just kept on running. '' But I'm not letting her in. I'm not…''

* * *

Scene 2

There had been multiple occasions where Tate wished he could simply disappear from the face of this earth, even if only to prove that no one would really notice or care. Right now though, he kind of wished for the rest of the world to disappear instead. If he had a say, him and Violet would be the only two people in existence… That way, Violet would be always safe…protected. That way, she wouldn't have to face someone with a nature so cold and inhuman that her very presence could make another physically sick.

Well…those were just fantasies. The reality was that they had awoken a sleeping monster and hiding was not an option; fighting was. Now that Violet had taken a glimpse of a part of the truth, she would take this to the end. The only thing Tate could do was make sure this end would include Violet making it out of the Asylum once and for all. He would tear Briarcliff down with him in it if needed, but Violet was to survive this.

He had left Violet with Angelique a couple of hours ago. Angelique would know when it would be safe to proceed further in the forest. Until then…until Tate had found a way… he supposed Violet would use the time to comprehend the nature of the facts that were taking place in the facility. Tate could see that she was trying to deny that the things that were going on were maybe…probably not a part of their world, but in the end he knew she would understand.

If he had more time he might have come up with a better plan. If he had more time he would have made sure that everything was perfect to the very last detail. But unfortunately time was not his ally…and not anything else actually. So he did the first thing that came to mind. Kenny Riddle was an inmate with a schizoid personality disorder that was notorious for never taking his medication. His meds were always ending up in different hiding places and the few times the personnel had actually managed to find them had only made Kenny more determined to upgrade his game. Tate thought it was very lucky that Kenny never missed a chance to show his disregard for Mary Eunice's authority. By making him a partner to his crime, he convinced him to share a good quantity of his antipsychotics without Tate having to promise him his firstborn. Tate would have if it came to that matter.

He entered the kitchen with the excuse that he wanted to drop off some fresh green onions. He started to make small talk with the cooks until he noticed they had started preparing the director's dinner. She always ate alone in her office. When Maria and Elena had to chop the salad and the bread, Tate offered to watch the pot. It was only after he had disposed the meds into the hot liquid that he started breathing again with ease.

He really didn't have a clue what effect this quantity of antipsychotics would have on Mary Eunice. But he hoped it would at least be enough to distract her. Enough to turn her sight away from the forest.

* * *

Scene 3

-''Did you call for me?'' Dr. Arden asked, still standing behind the half open door of the director's office.

-''Come in, Arthur.'' Mary Eunice said and the tone of her voice rang alarms in the doctor's head. It was almost like a whisper…fighting to come out. The sister's eyes were unfocused, red and she was grasping the edge of her desk as if desperate to hold on to something.

-''Mary, what's wrong?'' The doctor entered the office and ran to the sister's side. She looked up at him and then clutched his shirt with a tight grip. She then buried her face into the cool silk and let out a muffled whine. ''Mary, talk to me. Are you in pain? Did your sores open up again?''

-'' No…it's…it's different. The pain is different. My head, my muscles… everything hurts. And I think…I think I'm going to throw up… That's never happened to me…not in this body.''

-''Come…come. I'm taking you to the infirmary. It's fine…it'll be fine.'' He slowly lifted her up and ran his hand soothingly through her wet from the cold sweat hair. Her legs were shaking…her whole body actually… and she leaned into him in order to stay on her feet.

-''Poison…It must be…'' She said breathlessly.

-''Poison? How? Mary I don't think…'' Before the doctor was able to finish his sentence, the sister collapsed into his arms. Arthur picked up her lithe, little body and forced himself to calm down. Mary would pull through this just as always…she had gone through much worse. But if what she said is true…if someone did this to her… they wouldn't be as lucky.

* * *

Scene 3 (FLASHBACK)-(Soundtrack: Candyman-Theme Song)

_7 years ago _

Angelique was determined to at least try and ignore the situation in Briarcliff. She just had a feeling that not acknowledging what was going on would be the much safer option…and it's not like she could do anything to actually help.

So the plan was… Stick to your own business.

At least that's what the plan was until she woke up one day and Ruth and Laura were nowhere to be found. Her girls…her sisters…were gone.

She and Kai looked everywhere, but Angelique knew that would be futile. She reached out for them with her mind, but all she got was dead, cold silence.

She kept trying. It wasn't easy for her. That's not how her power worked, but this silence was… unacceptable.

It was almost dawn, while she was lying awake on her bed, that her mind was filled with their voices. No…not their voices…Their screams.

* * *

**To be continued**

**-Oh thank God, I managed to upload before I left for Finland. I'm gonna be there for a month so I'll try to write in order to upload as soon as I return to Greece.**

**-Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll totally understand if you want to wait until it's complete to read the whole thing. The gaps between the chapters might make it hard for you to follow the plot so…you know…whatever works for you. When I'm about to complete the story I promise to post a warning.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story or any of its characters. **


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